For The Life We Cannot Have
by Confessed4Life
Summary: Richard wants to give Kahlan a child before she takes a mate, but the dangers of her magic make it impossible. When a man arrives for the Mother Confessor, she must decide what is more important, her heart or her duty.
1. Chapter 1

Rolling onto her side, Kahlan pulled her blanket tighter to her chest and sighed. "It's growing colder each night."

"I think we will see snow before the week ends," Richard responded with a slow glance in her direction. Her teeth were chattering, though she was trying to keep it quiet. "Do you want me to add more wood to the fire?"

"No, it's fine, thank you. Richard... Are you alright?"

"Fine."

"No, you're not," she said as she pushed the blanket from herself and sat forward. "Richard, please... You can talk to me."

"No, not about this."

"Why?"

Looking away, he stared at the trees ahead of him. "Because it is not something you should have to think about."

"I may be able to help you. Richard, I-"

"Please let this go."

Kahlan nodded, but she didn't lie back down. "Alright, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed." Coming to her feet, she walked over to the fire and sat down close to him, wrapping half of her blanket around herself and the rest, around him. "Cara and Zedd should be back tomorrow."

"It's possible."

"If Cara hasn't buried his body in the trees somewhere."

"The food in his pockets would make him too heavy to move."

With a soft chuckle, Kahlan pushed her shoulder against his for a moment, quickly realizing a part of his mind's struggle. "I'm sorry. I'm going to try and sleep." She didn't wait for him to respond, she wasn't sure he would. His eyes followed her back to her bedroll; she could feel them intensely. She wanted to look back and meet them, but she wasn't sure she could. He was clearly upset and if having her near made him flinch, she wasn't sure she could handle what was on his mind.

She feared the worst. If this was the moment she had been dreading, it came too soon. She knew that one day he would come to see her the way that everyone else did, a monster who shouldn't be near anyone, but knowing the time would come, wasn't making it any easier. She wanted to cry and scream, but it would do her no good. A man as smart as him would come to the conclusion sooner than later and it was best for him to see the truth now.

She would never hurt him, not intentionally, though, she would admit that the thought did cross her mind when he was near. Her body ached in ways she had never known before, a soft cry half escaping her lips when they were close or stole a kiss in secret. She had never believed a pain of wanting to be so strong and with each breath, she waited for it to end. She was to take a mate when the rifts were closed, an action she feared doing. If she was unable to be with the man she loved, she didn't want to spend a night for the sake of a child.

He would be a wonderful father, her mind whispered. There could be no one greater. Shaking her head, she pushed her head back and into the ground, fighting the images her mind spat at her of him holding their daughter. Sitting up rapidly, she sucked in a deep breath and wiped her hands on her dress. She was freezing, yet covered in a warm sweat, her mind mocking her at the feeling of him against her.

"I'm going to walk for a few minutes, maybe it will quiet my mind."

He said nothing as she half ran into the trees, only watched, wondering if he should go after her. Her voice had strained to speak, an action that didn't go unnoticed, but her effort made him question his response. If she wanted him to know what was wrong, she would have told him, she always did. His mind questioned his own thoughts, reminding him of the secret he kept from her. They had a friendship unlike any other and yet, there were things that could not be shared.

With a heavy sigh, he came to his feet, holding the blanket she had left around his shoulders. She was right, the nights were getting colder and the wind was showing no mercy.

Her trail circled the camp before darting away, telling him that she had thought about returning, but from how deep the footprints were, he knew she was too upset to do so. He wondered if somehow she knew what was on his mind, making him embarrassed as he caught sight of her ahead of him.

She was kneeling in a patch of long grass, looking down at her reflection in a small pond. He froze for a moment, stunned by the beauty before him. Her hair fell over shoulders flawlessly, her white dress standing out upon the darkness of the forest and it all made his body grow weak.

It wasn't the first time he wanted to throw her to the ground beneath him and bury himself in her warmth, and it wasn't the first time they were alone when the thoughts screamed to be heard. She was the only woman to take his breath while filling his lungs and boil his blood while sending ice through his spine. Everything about her made him want to scream in agony and cry out in passion. She is the one woman he wanted and the one he could never have.

"Are you alright?"

"No, but it is not something I will burden you with." She didn't look up as she spoke, even as he made his way toward her. "You didn't have to come out here."

"I know, but you- You're upset."

"So are you."

"Kahlan-"

At last, she looked up, meeting his eyes. "You do not have to follow me around, I am not a helpless child."

"No, you're not," he agreed softly. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"And if I was not? What was your plan?"

"I don't know," he said as he sat down beside her. "I thought that maybe I would be able to help." He reached out to her, brushing his thumb beneath her left eye to catch her tears, fearless resting his hand against her. "I don't like it when you're upset."

Her mind spun in confusion, lost as to what was happening. He had come after her, sat at her side and touched her, surely it didn't mean what she hoped it to. Searching his eyes, she tried to find words, but nothing remained long enough to form in her mouth. His lips were inviting, the soft pink that whispered her name as he inched forward. Her eyes darted back to his, and at the concern, she pulled away.

"You shouldn't be so close to me."

"Because you'll confess me?" he said through almost a laugh. Upon her nod, he shook his head. "No you won't. That is the one thing I am sure of."

"Then you are a fool."

"No. You would never Confess me, even if I was killing innocent people, you'd do everything else, anything else, even if it killed you."

Staring into the darkness, she sighed. "I've come close to letting go." The words left her lips softly, a secret she hated to reveal.

"I know, but not as many times as I hoped you would. You would never let go, no matter how much we wanted it, when the moment came... You would hold on with everything you have." Crossing his legs, he closed his eyes. This was the conversation he didn't want to have with her. Laying back, he turned his head, studying her. "It doesn't matter how I feel, you'd never take me."

"How can I?" she asked as her head jerked in his direction. "If I Confessed you, everything you are, the man you are... Everything you do and think on your own, they'd be gone. I could never do that to you."

"Because it's not what you want."

"No," she said breathlessly in shame. "Because it wouldn't be fair to you. I cannot force you to love me. If I- If I Confessed you, you would never have a chance to find- I would take away your chance to be happy."

"And I can never be happy with you," he told her without making eye contact.

"I'm a Confessor, no one around us is happy."

"Not even you."

She looked away, back to the darkness of the night around them. "We were not created to be happy. We have our duty, it is all we need."

His eyes came to her face, seeing her jaw lock as she finished her sentence. "And you've been spoon-fed that soup all of your life, it must be right."

"I've been fed everything that is keeping you safe. I am not a woman, I am a monster."

"You are more of a woman than any of them and your magic doesn't change anything. You see yourself as a monster because that's the way your people want you to and you allow it. How dare you be happy?"

"I am not made-"

"To be happy, I know," he said, annoyed. "You've already said that."

"It doesn't make it any less true."

"It frustrates me," he admitted without thought. "I can never- You're close, but I can never have you close enough. You would rather take a stranger to your bed, than spend a single night in mine. It's not fair. If I wasn't to love you, why- Why didn't you stop me?"

"Because I never believed it was possible for you to care about me."

"And you were wrong." He looked over to her, noticing her hands in her lap. She was experiencing the same frustrations he was, but she said nothing. He wondered which was more painful. "Your magic doesn't change the woman you are, Kahlan. If anyone, if they took a chance to just sit with you, they'd see it. The magic is beautiful and I cannot imagine the burden you feel with it, but the fear in others... There is no reason to fear you."

"I destroy families," she whispered in reply. "Richard, my basic instinct is to take away a person's entirety. With a breath, I can destroy everything around a single person. I am feared because it is my nature to destroy, to take-"

"As punishment," he said. "Kahlan you do what you must and only to those who deserve it and then you... You give those people a better life and a chance to do something greater with theirs."

"What of their families?"

"They should be grateful. You do not kill them, instead, you allow them to help others. They should be proud and honored, that you have shown such grace. That is the woman you are, the woman I... I know you and I see the way it hurts you, each time you use your magic and you do it because you must, not because it brings you pleasure."

She saw opening in the conversation, a way to change his feelings for her and she took it. "The pleasure I feel when I release my magic is beyond words."

"Because that is the only pleasure you know," he replied in a voice that made her body tense with desire. "It's your freedom."

"Richard-"

"I know," he whispered. "I shouldn't think those things."

"We should go back to camp. The fire has probably already died, I'll find more wood."

Reaching out, he grabbed her arm and held her still. "Don't go, please."

"There is nothing left to be said."

"I disagree."

Relaxing, she let out a soft sigh. "I can't imagine there's anything more."

"That, this is what I was- Earlier, when you asked if I was alright, this is what I was thinking about and now... If I don't say it now, I don't believe I will have the chance to say it again."

"Maybe it shouldn't be said."

"I meant what I said before," he said as though she hadn't spoken. "It's frustrating and I know that you would never... I keep imagining this life we could have, our children, so many of them. Everything I have wanted, it will never happen." Meeting her eyes, he held them in their sadness. "I can't have the woman I love and there's nothing I can do to change it."

"You will be grateful one day. When you're with your wife, your son... You'll be happy."

"I don't want a son, Kahlan. I want your daughters. I want you."

Shaking her head slowly, she deepened her frown. "I cannot give myself to you. You deserve more than a life as my slave." She continued to look down at him as she moved to her feet, holding his gaze with each move. "I am sorry for what I am and there are times when I wish it away, but I do not do this to hurt you. I am what I am and I love you too much to take away everything within you. It's not fair for me to be so selfish, no matter how I long for you."

She walked away while his mind wrapped around a single set of her words. They were not ones she would use lightly, and hearing them made his body quake. It was almost hard for him to believe what she had said, his mind instantly telling him that he heard wrong because he wanted her to reveal her feelings for him. She loved him and the words left her lips smoothly, freely and in the brief moment, passionate. He almost rushed after her, almost lept to his feet before realizing he had nothing to offer her. He had been upset, but now as he thought more on it, he had no right to think he was feeling it alone. The woman inside the Confessor had given him a glimpse of a deep secret and he couldn't help the feeling that she wished she hadn't.

She wanted the same life he did, making him believe that if he found a way to have it, she would be just as happy. He knew there were rules and things she wouldn't consider and many he would dismiss, the idea of a Rada'Han instantly thrown from his mind. It would make it easier, yes, but it would take away a piece of her and it was not something he was willing to accept. He often wondered what it would feel like, having her magic run through his veins. Being Confessed to Annabelle had shown him more than he thought possible, connecting them in a way he couldn't imagine. He felt her fears and her excitement, her love for Flynn and it had been so powerful, he would swear they were his feelings.

He wanted the same kind of connection with Kahlan, one deeper than what they already had. He wanted to know her every fear, feel every ounce of excitement and prove that with out a doubt, he loved her. His heart was hers, but in no way to prove it. The images he had created in his mind of being with her had taken over nearly every one of his thoughts. His dreams were filled in places they were able to share a bed, clinging to each other with no worries or regrets. Awakening had become painful, ending the pleasures he had felt with her alone in his mind.

The images only frustrated him more, finding it nearly impossible for him to be close to her without wanting to make them reality. A single glance from her had his body thriving for hers. She would speak and he wanted to throw her beneath him and then, her smile sent a bolt through him, making him focus on her mouth and the sounds he longed to hear escape her lips. His body responded at the thoughts, bringing him to a quick decision.

She was laying beside the fire when he returned, her back facing the flames as she held a blanket tightly to her chest. It made sense, he thought, an enemy wouldn't come from the fire, leaving the only option of attack to be before her and she would see it all coming. His heart was pounding was he came closer, his mind trying to anticipate her response. If the night ended the way he planned, she may carry his child.

Laying down, he inched forward, draping his left arm over her side. She didn't wake up as he thought she would, instead she inched forward and buried her face in his neck. It was comfortable, his body relaxing against hers as though it was the way they ended every night.

"You're warm," she said sleepily as she pulled her head back.

"If I told you that I found a way for us to have a family together-"

"Richard-"

He grabbed her waist and held her still as he inched forward. "Don't do that. Don't dismiss the thought before hearing what I have to say. Kahlan, if I found a way to give you children without your magic releasing into me, would you consider it?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"I have a way, Kahlan. I can give you a daughter."

"How?" she managed to say breathlessly.

Licking his lips, he stared at hers. "It would be better if I showed you."

His lips grazed hers, testing the moment, waiting for approval to continue. Her hesitation was obvious, her mind questioning it all as she tried to see his plan. Richard held his ground, pushing forward just a bit with each touch of their lips. When their kisses became more frequent, he pressed onward and without hesitation, moved one of his knees between her legs. She allowed the action without caution, accepting his motions as she returned his kiss.

Pulling the blanket from between them, he snaked his hand over her stomach, resting it on her chest just before he took hold of the laces of her dress. Kahlan wound her fingers in his hair, holding him close as he brought himself to lay almost above her. It was risky, he knew, opening her dress, but he needed to give her something more. His body ached against her thigh, growing warmer as his tongue touched hers.

Richard moved his hand through the opening of her dress, skipping her breasts to glide along her side, surprise and disappointment flooding through her. His fingers pushed into her back as he pulled her closer, both thriving on the new feeling of skin. A surge of bravery flooded through her, sending her hands to the hem of his shirt with a soft pull. Before their lips reconnected, she leaned forward and pressed her chest against his, a low moan of passionate content leaving both of their lips at once.

It was almost too much, his body climbing higher to the point of release. Reaching between them, he began unlacing his pants, pulling himself free the moment he was able. Their lips returned to claim the others, pleasantly bruising with each breath. His hand moved between them slowly, the back of his hand sliding over her, gaining her attention. Continuing her bravery, she reached down. He bit her lip in surprise as her fingers touched him, his hips rocking forward as his head pulled back.

He nearly exploded against her hand, and the low growl that left his throat told her to pull back. Pushing her onto her back, he moved her dress, bunching it at her waist before gliding his fingers over her gently, once. Her head pushed back into the bedroll with a loud moan, her hips bucked upward and as her eyes darkened and he pushed his chest into hers. She moved her legs, instinctively allowing him to comfortably settle between them, her body accepting him completely.

He kissed over her jaw, down her neck and then up again, lingering on her ear for a moment. "This may hurt you..."

Pushing her chest up, she stroked her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and whispered, "I know."

Their foreheads were pressed together as he shifted above her. They shared each others breath, a warm pant that left as their hearts stopped.

The moments they were connected, burned into their minds, replaying as he watched her gasp for air and dig her fingers into the ground beside him. It was beautiful, watching her fight the magic. He had rolled off of her only moments before, his mission completed and in that time, he managed to give her a portion of the pleasure he wanted to. Her eyes fell closed and her breathing deepened, his eyes watching her chest for a few breaths, remembering the softness of the skin.

"I'm can't believe we did that," she panted, bringing his eyes back to her face.

Her eyes were still closed and her lips were in a frown, making him question his plan once more. "Do you wish we didn't?"

She grinned widely at his words, letting his body relax as she looked at him. "No." Her eyes moved over him, watching, and he knew, she could still see him above her, his body letting go and filling hers. "Do you?"

"No," he replied without hesitation. Dropping his eyes to her stomach, he reached out, and pushed his hand against the skin, imagining it growing beneath his touch. He wished he could find the words that rumbled through his mind, the excitement he felt and how he wished never to move from her side, but nothing came.

"Is that... Is that what it's like?"

He half shrugged, bringing his eyes back to hers. In truth, he didn't know how to answer her question. He had been with two others before and it had not been anything like this, but he didn't feel the same way for them, either. "It's close," he managed to say. "This was one sided."

Her smile widened and her eyes darkened, "I assure you, any pleasures felt, were not on one side alone."

His hand had slid up to her breasts as she spoke, her lips releasing a seductive tone he had never heard before. She was surprisingly calm for how far they had gone, something he wanted to ask, but as he squeezed his hand, all he could do was watch her eyes fall close. She trusted him completely, and if he didn't know before, it was clear now. The woman laying beside him had never been with anyone before, no man had ever touched her, in any way, and yet, when he reached out to her, she allowed him to without question. His mind wondered if she was in some kind of shock, that their actions hadn't set in yet and if they did, if she would be upset.

He had done his best to keep from bringing her too far, slowing himself with a caution in his mind. It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be, but he knew it was because he was far more ready for her to survive long enough to take her with him. He wanted her to feel the release in pleasure and he wanted to be the one who gave it to her, but it could never happen. She could never feel that moment, not with him and he began to wonder if what he gave her would be enough.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her shoulder and flicked his tongue against the skin. She brought her hands to his head, his hair, pulling his face to hers for a deep kiss. They found it impossible to be close enough, their hands trailing over the other while they pushed together. Her right leg hooked over his, bringing him closer; needing him again. Needing him at once.

"Richard," she panted, grabbing his attention.

His body wasn't ready and if he did what she wanted, it would go too far and he wouldn't be able to stop until he felt her magic run through him. His body rocked into her at the thought, but it would destroy her and he couldn't move forward. Snaking his hand between them, he brushed his fingers over her once again, giving her what she needed. Breaking their kiss, she let out a gasp, her hand instinctively reaching down to his.

He smiled against her neck, nudging his nose against her skin as he continued the movement of his hand. Hers came to rest on his forearm, allowing him to continue without pause, while she gave simple movement in direction. When he could take it no longer, his mind screamed in thought; questioning if she wanted him to let go again.

Pulling back his head and hand, he met her passion filled eyes and opened his mouth, a soft gasp being all that he was able to let out. She understood at once and responded the only way she could. Shifting her hips, she bucked against his, giving her approval without a word and again, they were lost.

She was pressed against him when he awoke, her breasts warm to his chest. Her face was buried in his neck and her breathing was deep and slow, telling him that she was asleep and had been for some time. Their blanket was laying over their legs, keeping them warm, while the rest of their bodies shared the same heated space. Shifting his body, he tried to keep her close while bringing his hand to her stomach. Her body moved seamlessly with his, following his motion and laying on her back. His first instinct was to close her dress and keep the cool wind from her exposed chest, but his hand slipped inside before he could.

He watched his hand rise with her breaths, wondering how hard he had to wish to have their child created within. He could think of nothing else as he stared, hoping he had given her enough. They would be reunited with their friends and he knew that she wouldn't allow this night to happen again, she wouldn't risk his life. A smile came to his lips at the memory, the previous night holding firmly in his mind. He wasn't sure he could go another day without her beneath him, but because they were not like other couples, he knew there was a chance he would go the rest of his life without her.

There was so much more he wanted her to experience, to give her, but the one thing he was sure she wanted just as much, was his child. It would be a piece of them they could both hold, life from what they felt, even when time began to pass them by. If he gave her a daughter, they would be connected together, forever and she would have a piece of the man she loved, but couldn't destroy. She would be happy, she would be able to hold onto the proof of his love and he could see her smile clearly. He couldn't imagine anyone being a greater mother.

"If she's there, I won't know yet," Kahlan whispered, pulling him from his thoughts.

Bringing his eyes to hers, he smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I know, it's alright. I think the wind thought it would be best."

He moved without thought, bringing the blanket over her chest quickly and she almost seemed disappointed by the action. "I'm sorry. I meant to cover you."

"Of course," she replied with a slight smile. "You wouldn't want me laying here, exposed."

Lowering his head, he brought it closer to hers, whispering his question to be sure it wasn't heard away from them. "Are you sure you're alright with what we did?"

Shifting her body, she brought her arms to her chest, holding the blanket in place. "It surprises me too," she admitted just as soft. "I don't know why I am, but last night, I- It seemed you had a solid plan."

Richard chuckled and rolled onto his back, squinting his eyes against the sunlight. "It seemed to be the only way." Turning his head toward her, he frowned. "We can't do it again, can we?"

"I don't know." Her reply surprised him, but he knew that it shouldn't. She was always honest with him. "I'm afraid that if we were to, I wouldn't be willing to settle for anything less. I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"But I-" She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip for a moment, fighting a laugh. "This sounds silly, but I am grateful. You don't have to..."

"I know," he whispered in reply. He understood what she was trying to say, better than his own thoughts. She was grateful he had bothered to try, that he had wanted to give her a child and he knew he couldn't make her believe he didn't think it was silly. It was almost the least he could do for her, to show her how he felt and give them both a piece they could share. "Cara and Zedd should meet us tonight," he found himself adding after a breath. He didn't know if he was hinting at a repeat of actions in that moment or if he meant it as a warning.

"Do you want to move on? We can catch them sooner-"

"I don't know. If we stay here... If we created a child, what happens then?"

Sitting up, she shook her head, instantly letting the blanket fall to her lap for a moment before she began relacing her dress. "I don't know. There are many options, but... The only one I have been able to think about is whether we tell Zedd. Richard, we both know what he will say, but I- As a Wizard of the First Order, he may have orders I cannot refuse."

"What are you saying?" He knew, but he needed her to say it.

"I have not taken a mate... I have long past the age I should and I cannot return to Aydindril with child and without a mate."

"Me," he stated factually. "Kahlan, I may not be your mate the way others would be, I- I can do the same, I can do everything and I can to give you children."

"It is not that simple. The mate of a Confessor, the Mother Confessor, things are expected of him, from him and I- I cannot lead you into that life, it isn't fair. You are a free man, you should not be at the call of the High Council."

"You'd protect me," he said in the same tone as before. He was almost smiling and it frustrated her to have him trust her so much.

"I could try, but there are no guarantees. They are not like the people you have met, they live this way for a reason and have for generations, they can be cruel for games and if they knew... If they were to find out how much I care for you, we would lose everything."

"Kahlan-"

"Any child we created, I could not bare to lose and if I gave birth to a son... I would not hesitate to spare his life."

Sitting forward himself, he moved closer and slowly reached for her hand. It trembled beneath his touch and he knew what truly scared her. "That's what you're afraid of, isn't it?" Her single nod was more than enough, sending his arms to wrap around her.

"If I had any other man's son, I would not... Ours? I could not let him go."

"I know, but there is no need to worry about that, not now, not today and if the moment comes and you give birth to a son, even if he is not mine, I will make sure he is safe. Kahlan, you know I will protect him, both of you."

Pulling from his embrace, she frowned. "I cannot ask that of you. Richard, I- I am so afraid that the family I want, the one I want with you, I'm afraid it will be-"

"Destroyed? Kahlan your life, the one you want, you don't have to leave it in the hands of someone else. If you want a family, with me or any man you wish, you can have it."

"I'm a Confessor, Richard. We do not- We cannot have a life like that. We're not that kind of people."

"You are."

"I'm not supposed to be this way."

"But you are and there is nothing wrong with that." His left hand found its way to her face, gently cupping her cheek before sliding into her hair. "You can have anything you want and not because of your magic."

She didn't know if it was the tone of his voice or the truth she saw in his eyes that gave her the courage, but suddenly, she leaned forward and took his face in her hands. He remained still as she connected their lips, returning her kiss in full and allowing her to move forward until their chests were touching.

She was comfortable in his arms, feeling as though she was more than she was, more than a Confessor. He held her in a way no other had and no other would. She was close and wrapped in his arms, pulled forward for more and without fear. He never looked at her that way, afraid of the moment she would lose control and after the previous night, he was well aware of the way her hold on her magic loosened when he laid above her. She almost forgot what she was he kissed her, the passion of it was always unexpected. For her, anything other than a shudder was more than she expected.

She was on fire, but freezing, her body demanding one thing, while her mind shouted another. A war within he would never see, a side she knew to keep hidden. There was far more at risk for their time to continue, but she couldn't help but wonder if this was the time they both wanted, the moments he would give her a child. Her mind screamed in need of the action, wanting the result in every way.

Her hands fell between them, taking hold of him as she allowed his tongue the victory of their brief battle. He leaned closer at once, trying to fight his instinct, and throw her beneath him. The moments like this, not only when they were close, but when she would let another part of herself free and they were some of his favorites. She allowed him to see her in a way no one else ever had and held no fear of his reaction.

Shifting her hips, she told him what to do, speaking without breaking apart their kiss. Grabbing her dress, he lifted the bottom, bringing it to bunch at her waist as she moved closer.

It was a different feeling, sliding down upon him. It was entirely freeing. Her head fell back at once, his hands gliding over her back to help hold her up as a heavy gasp leaving their lips in unison. Her bravery continued as she rocked forward, not a lot, but enough to cause his hips to rise. She was testing the position, the movement and response, learning quickly. Laying her hands on his shoulders, she pulled herself up, almost letting him slip free, but effortlessly gliding back down. She was nearly gone as her hips rolled roughly, gaining the pressure she wanted at just the right angle.

Moving her hands to his face, she held her forehead to his and shared his next breath, their eyes locked for a short moment as they moved together. He sensed her end arriving, her body shaking and not from the pleasure alone. She was fighting the magic within her, the very instincts that made her who she was and he couldn't miss the signs that it pained her. Pushing forward, he lifted her legs, slightly changing their position for a rougher angle. He wasn't ready to let go, but it was unfair for him to torture her any longer.

Her nails raked into his skin, leaving a light trail of blood down the back of his shoulders, a pleasant pain he found pulled him forward. She released a gasp as her head fell back, a vision before him that brought him to the edge, his body hanging on by the same thread within her. Seeming to notice, she lifted herself quickly, bringing her face back to his for a hard kiss, one that held his attention until her hips moved once more. It was graceful, passionate and ended him in the moment, emptying itself within her.

Kahlan struggled to keep still, her body demanding more while she fought to keep her magic within. He wouldn't let go of her, even as she began to pant. Instead, he grabbed her face and held her dark eyes, breathing as slowly as possible, rough, considering his end had jut taken place, helping her to follow.

"Use it," he whispered. "It's alright, you're not going to hurt me." His words came out through a rasp, but they comforted her all the same. They were still connected and it drove them wild, her body clinging to his with each breath, wanting more than it could have and though it would be easy to give her the final push, he knew he couldn't. "You don't have to stop, not yet," he added after a few breaths. His hands came to her hips and slowly nudged, giving her the motion and speed at once.

Her lips grazed his as she rocked, sending her hiss into his. On her next move, he slipped from her warmth, but he encouraged her to continue, gliding along as their mouths connected again and again until she was motionless above him.

When her breath returned to her, she tried to pull away, embarrassed by her actions, but he wouldn't let her go.

"It's alright," he whispered with a smile. Her eyes were returning to the blue he adored, making it impossible for him to look away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I forgot what I was for a moment."

"I didn't mind," he grinned. Tightening his hold on her, he lowered his voice, keeping it between them. "You don't have have to hurry away, Kahlan."

"Richard, I... I don't know what else to do."

"It's not hard," he chuckled. "We sit here, like this. Together."

"Are you sure?"

"I'd hold you forever if you'd allow me to."

Shifting herself above him, she moved her dress in the hope of providing some safety between them. She felt awkward, cold and she couldn't stop herself from wishing she hadn't started it all before. "Don't say that."

"I won't lie to you."

Meeting his eyes, she sighed, "I know, I'm sorry. I- I don't know what to say. I keep thinking that we can't do this again."

"I thought as much. Kahlan, I know how you feel about us and I know that once we meet Zedd and Cara you will pretend this never happened and I understand, but right now, it's just you and me. We can sit here and pretend, just for a few moments, that this is our life. Right now, this is all that matters."

"And when it's time for us to move?"

"We'll have these moments to hold in our minds."

"What happens next?"

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against her's. "I'm going to kiss you."

He was pleasantly surprised she remained still and above him, allowing him to kiss her as he pleased. A simple gesture that he would never grow tired of.


	2. Chapter 2

"What did you find?"

"Nothing. The city was empty, they must have hidden when the banelings came in force."

"Was there no sign of anyone?" Kahlan asked softly. "The city was filled with people, they couldn't have gone without-"

"There was nothing there," Cara stated bluntly as she looked at the others before her.

Richard instinctively reached for her, gently squeezing her forearm. "I'm sure they're alright, maybe they found a place to hide."

"There's no place to hide, not from banelings." Taking a sidestep closer to him, she frowned. "We should keep moving, there's an Inn in the next city, we will be warmer there."

The blonde began walking instantly, followed by the Seeker, who reluctantly pulled his hand from the Mother Confessor's arm.

"We've lost so many," she whispered to the wizard.

Nodding, the older man began walking beside her. "Yes, but we have saved many more."

"I know, but it's hard to see that through everything else. Look at what has become of our world. The Keeper grows stronger with each death and there is no other way to stop him."

"Richard grows stronger as well, dear one. Each one he is unable to save fuels his desire to do more, you know him, he will give his life for others to live."

"Yes, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, only worried."

"About Richard?"

Nodding, she gave a quick glance in his direction. "About what will happen when this over; when I return to Aydindril."

Zedd swallowed in sadness, understanding what she meant. "There are things we must do, no matter how much it pains us."

"I know, we have our duties."

"They are not to our people alone, Mother Confessor. He is your friend, you have duty to him as well."

"What do you suggest I do? I cannot give him the life he wants, the one any other woman-"

"You are not any other woman, Kahlan. He knows that. You are something far more to him, more than you are to yourself."

"I can give him nothing but a life as a slave. How can I do that to him? To my friend? Zedd, you must see this the way I do, it is not a simple fix."

"No, it's not, but there is a solution. Many, in fact. You will find one that is right for you. You're both young, there is a chance for you both to find happiness apart."

She gave a slow nod, her mind racing. "I don't want to be apart from him. I selfishly want to hold onto the only person who hasn't looked at me in fear."

Looking ahead to the man they spoke of, he watched him laugh with the other woman, the sound loud and full. "He'll always be your friend, Kahlan."

"I'm not sure. When I imagine what must happen, he is far away, anywhere else. Happy."

"And you?"

"I'm a Confessor, Zedd. We are not made to be happy."

"Not in the same way, but you have other ways to be happy, dear one. A family of your own, daughters to teach-"

"And when I die? What then? I don't want them to go through what Dennee and I did."

"There are other options, Kahlan."

"None I can bare to choose."

"I suppose not, but it will become easier, I promise."

Taking his arm, she let out a soft sigh. "I know, thank you, Zedd."

"You will feel better once we've had a big meal and you've slept in a bed."

"Mmm, I can't imagine how hungry you are."

Kahlan took her dinner to her room, excusing herself with a smile and yawn. The day had continued as it always had, each talking as though the previous night hadn't taken place, keeping it a secret from the others. Zedd had been surrounded by food, while Cara and Richard, shared a plate half the size of one of his.

He stayed out, sitting alone at the table once shared by his friends, drinking. What began as water, soon turned to ale and after a few mugs, he couldn't keep from her.

Pushing away from the table, he stumbled to his feet and made his way down the hall.

He stumbled to a stop before her door, hesitating on the first knock. This, he knew, would be their final chance, the last night either of them would be alone and away from their friend's eyes. If he didn't give her a child this night, he never would. Swaying forward, he let his knuckles brush the hard wood of the door with a loud thump. There was no movement inside, but he was sure she was there, he could almost feel her against the other side. With another knock, he swallowed, hoping it wouldn't give them away to anyone else.

The door opened and he froze, seeing the same emotions on her face he felt inside and suddenly, she was reaching out for him.

"What happened?" she questioned softly as she pulled him into the safety of her room and locked the door. Bringing her hands to his face, she pushed back his hair to reveal his forehead and sighed at the cut on the left corner.

"I walked into a wall," he replied honestly. "I was making sure no one was following me; I didn't see it. It's fine, I promise."

"Are you alright? You smell- You had a few drinks," she finished her own sentence.

"I was thinking."

"About what?"

"You already know."

Releasing another sigh, she nodded. "Yes, but I was hoping I was wrong. We can't keep doing this. It's only going to bring us more pain and I don't want to put you through it."

"This is our last chance..."

"No, Richard... Tonight holds no chance. I can't- I cannot lay with you once more and then simply let you go, it's too hard. I was selfish before, and I am sorry, but..."

Laying his hand over hers, he pulled it from his face and held it firmly between them. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Kahlan. I know- I knew that you would not allow this to continue forever, no matter how much we both wished it to. I've thought about it, each moment since and knowing what it would do to you, I- I knew it was hard, but I couldn't stop. I don't want it to stop. Being with you, it's so much more than anything. I thought that if I was able to give you a child, we would always be together, in some way, we would have a connection that would live on past us."

Her lips pushed against his the moment he was finished, taking the final moment as her own until her body leaned forward in instinct. She welcomed him freely, desperately and fully, but he didn't take over.

"Kahlan," he whispered as they parted for a breath. "May I stay with you tonight?"

Nodding, she brushed her fingers through his hair, fixing the short mess she had just made.

He held her to him as he moved, keeping her chest against his until they were a step from her bed. They moved together smoothly, crawling onto the bed. He remained close, holding her to him as he laid down and as before, she gave no hesitation when he positioned them.

Her back was pressed to his chest, his left arm wrapped firmly around her, held in place by her own hands against her breasts. Pushing his nose into her hair, he took in a deep breath, smiling at the new scent of rose. It wasn't her typical smell, but it fit her just as well. She had once told him why she preferred the lavender, reminding her of the days when she was a child and would play in the palace's garden. There was a story behind everything and with her, he felt that he knew each one, and it made it even harder.

The man she chose would never know any of those things about her, he would not care. He would do as she commanded and nothing more, only able to do as such. The child he gave her, she would mean nothing to him and the voice in the back of the Seeker's head screamed the stories she had told him of her father, what little she would speak of having burned into his mind. Her children deserved much more than that, they shouldn't live with a man who resented their lives. He wouldn't let them.

Before he could stop himself, he was lifting his head to bring his mouth to her ear, his lips softly grazing the skin. "I would keep them safe," he whispered. "No matter what happened, I would keep them safe."

Her head turned slightly, but she didn't meet his eyes. "I know, but I could never ask-"

"You aren't," he added instantly. "I'm telling you."

Tightening her hold on his arm, she nodded slowly and opened her eyes to stare into the darkness before her. "Thank you."

He slept deeply, something that didn't surprise him when he woke up. She was still laying in his arms, but now her head rested against his shoulder. She was warm and from the light in the room, he knew they were coming dangerously close to being caught. His mind rushed through a series of thoughts, wondering how to explain the situation if they were found, knowing how the wizard would view them. He hadn't had enough to drink to say he didn't know what he was doing, but there was just enough truth in it to make his mind settle on the matter.

"Kahlan?" the knock at the door came instantly, making him jump at the older man's voice. "Are you alright?" His first instinct was to jump to the floor and hide, but her hold on him tightened as he flinched to do so.

"I'm fine, Zedd," she replied without movement. "I'll be out in a few minutes."

"There is someone who wishes to see you."

The Mother Confessor lifted her head at once, panic written clearly upon it as she began moving from the bed. "Who?"

"I think it would be best if you came out here to-"

She was standing before the door, clenching her dress in her hands. "You will answer me, Wizard."

"Nicolas Isis."

The color drained from Kahlan's face and suddenly Richard was standing before her, holding her hands. "Who's-"

"He is the man the High Council wished me to choose as my mate."

His response wasn't what she expected, it was the opposite. Instead of pulling away, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. "Do you think they sent him to you?"

"I do not know," she whispered. "I'll be out in a few minutes," she said to the door, knowing that the older man on the other side still awaited her reply. Moving across the room, she stopped at the wash station and instantly splashed her face with the cold water she had allowed to sit over night. It was a better feeling than everything in that moment.

Richard kept his distance, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he watched her. "Why did they want you to choose him?"

"They believed he could give me a strong child. His land would then belong to us, become under our protection. I'm not sure which was more important to them."

"And his opinion?"

"I do not know. I can't imagine it is something he wants to do, but I have not spoken to him on the matter. I have never met the man." She turned just in time to see the expression on his face and she knew what he was thinking.

"Maybe you would like him."

Turning to face him completely, she leaned back against the wooden station. "It would not matter. It would be best if I didn't know his name until after he was taken... Knowing a man before he's confessed, that isn't- He would be nothing when it was over."

"Aren't you curious?"

"I used to be," she admitted softly, continuing to watch him as he looked down at the floor. "When I was younger and his name was introduced in consideration. I wondered why he was chosen for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I wondered why he was chosen for me. There were many other Confessors, at the time," she mentioned softly. "Why was he to be mine?" He looked up and met her eyes. "I couldn't stop thinking about it. Was I the right choice, was it because I was the oldest who had yet to claim one? I spent days questioning their decision, but Darken Rahl had grown stronger and many of us were dying... I- I almost went through with it, but when someone was needed to bring the book to the Seeker, I saw a way to keep the moment at bay."

"Why?"

"Because I was afraid," she replied through a whisper. "There is a reason I passed the age many Confessors take their mates."

"You took me."

"Richard-"

"You weren't afraid with me."

"No," she said with a small smile. "I was not afraid with you."

"Why?"

"Because I know you."

"You can know him, too."

"I do not wish to."

Coming to his feet, he walked to her and sighed. "He was chosen for a reason, how are you to know if you do not speak with him? You have the chance to have your questions answered and maybe... Kahlan, he may be the man who can-"

"Please don't say it."

"Talk to him, it will at least answer some of your questions."

"Mother Confessor," Nicolas said softly. "I know that this is not the way it is done, but I do not have much time left."

"I don't understand."

"I'm dying."

She hid her surprise perfectly, the other man having no idea the thoughts that raced through her head. "And your final wish is to be taken as my mate?"

"It is."

"Why?"

He stared at the floor for a moment, trying to find the right words. "You know who I am and where I come from. My people, as much as I wish to be a good leader, I am not what they need. I can't keep them safe and with you- They will be safer with you."

"That is only part of the truth."

"I'm afraid," he whispered as he lifted his eyes to hers. "I do not wish to spend what is left of my life in fear. I do not want to spend every waking moment wondering when it will come and how my people will be cared for. I know that I have no right to ask this of you, I am a simple man, but I was asked to be yours before and you have yet to claim your mate, I was hoping for the opportunity to do one good thing for the world before I die."

"I am not living in the palace, the life you face as my mate now, is not the one you expect."

"I am aware, Mother Confessor and I understand what is coming and I know the risks. If I am to die, I would prefer it on my terms."

"I will take time to think on this matter. You will have my decision before the hour ends."

"What will you do?" Zedd questioned through a whisper as he looked to the others, who had no idea what was being said.

"I don't know. A part of me wants to continue on and leave him here, but... I understand his final desire, Zedd."

"As do I, but he is not the only man you are thinking of."

"I don't want to hurt him, not like this, not now... If I was to ask him what to do... I am not sure I have the strength to put myself through this."

"Speak with him, it may help and we know Richard, he will not think of his own pleasure when there is more at stake."

"I cannot speak to him about this, not- I cannot put him through this."

"There is only one way you will make a decision, you must speak with him. Go."

"Richard," she said louder than she intended. "May I speak with you?"

He didn't hesitate to walk away from the blonde and come to her side, his face showing no sign of knowing. Taking his hand, she pulled him back to the room she was given. When they were locked inside, she pushed her back against the door and met his eyes.

"I know what you want to talk about," he stated calmly. He was relaxed before her, a surprise that almost upset her. "You should do it."

"What?"

"Take him as your mate. That's why he is here, isn't it?"

"It is."

"I think you should-"

"How can you say that? You- Richard, how can you encourage me to-"

"Because he may give you a child." She froze at his words, mid step between slapping him at his permission and falling to the floor in tears. "If I can't- Kahlan, you should be a mother and if I was unable to give you a daughter, you should-"

"How can you say that? Richard, we- I-" Releasing a sigh, she walked past him, not caring where she went. "Maybe you're right." He was grateful they were facing opposite directions, he never wanted her to see the pain on his face as she spoke those words. "Perhaps this is what I am to do. "

"What did he say?" he found himself asking as he turned around.

"Many things."

"Kahlan-"

She turned around and he saw the anger in her eyes, but e remained still and said nothing. "What does it matter? You didn't need to know before you suggested I take him to my bed. What he said holds nothing to factor."

Richard nodded slowly, but continued to hold her eyes, trying to understand the situation. "What did you want me to say? Did you want me to tell you not to take him as your mate? Kahlan, how can I do that? I do not own you and we both know that what we did, it can't happen again. Take him."

"Get out," she said in a voice that revealed more than she intended. "Go and send him to me. We will remain here for another night, you may continue on if you wish." His body tensed at her tone, the one she never used with him. It was the Mother Confessor who spoke before him, not the woman within.

He gave a quick bow, regretting the movement instantly as she took in a sharp breath, but it was too late. Rushing from the room, he marched toward the others and pointed to the strange man. "The Mother Confessor accepts. She's waiting for you in her room."

"Richard-"

"She's made her decision," he told his grandfather, who stared at him in concern. "We'll remain here another night and continue on in the morning."

"What about him?"

Looking to the blonde, the Seeker shrugged. "I don't know. She will find something for him to do."

The release of her magic wasn't instant, making the wait much harder for him to endure. He sat alone at a small table, built for two, but shared alone. The Inn keeper brought him a bowl of soup with a smile, telling him that it was a secret recipe that would make all of his cares fade away. He wished it were possible. He wondered what she was doing, what they were doing and his mind refused to quiet on the matter. She wasn't the kind of woman who would take him and allow her magic to flow through him somewhere in the middle, but it had been close to an hour and her magic had yet to race free. He felt a sharp pain in his stomach for her, at the thought of what was going through her own mind, her own heart.

She had wanted him to stop her, it was more than clear, but he couldn't. He was no one, but the man who loved her and after all, that meant nothing to anyone else. His feelings for her could not give her a child and it was what she was destined to have. It was not their relationship he had been thinking of, it was her and the future she could have. She could be a mother, living the rest of her life with a smile as she raced after one of her many daughters. He had seen it clearly as she stood before him and what he first imagined as his own children, quickly became someone else's.

Maybe they were all right. From the beginning he was told it could never be, and now, he was beginning to understand that it wasn't just him they were protecting. She loves him, making it difficult for her to do what is necessary to continue the line of Confessors. Because he loved her, he did what was best for her.

"Did I do something wrong?" Nicolas asked in panic.

She was holding his hands, keeping him close, but speaking loud enough for anyone around to hear. The others watched patiently, awaiting the response that came from the woman before him.

"No. Before you were confessed, you said you wanted to help your people, you wanted them to know that they were safe. I want you to go to them and tell them what you've done. You have given your life for theirs, an honorable thing, and they should know. They will remember your sacrifice forever."

"Thank you, Mistress!"

"Go," she said, giving his hands a gentle squeeze. "You do not have much time."

Bowing his head, he have her a wide smile and rushed off, leaving her alone. Richard didn't wait for him to be out of sight before coming to her side. "Do you want us to stay another night?"

"No," she replied distantly. "If we don't keep moving, I- We should go."

He nodded and turned away, walking slowly to remain at her side. "Zedd saved something for you to eat. I think he has more than he'll show you, too."

"I'm not hungry."

"I can hear your stomach-"

"I don't feel hungry," she interrupted in correction.

Glancing in her direction, he sighed. "I need you to understand why I-"

"I do," she replied breathlessly. "That's why it's so hard."

"I didn't mean to-"

"I know, but I'm glad that you did."

There was a portion of the night that remained secret to their friends and held closely by the couple. He had come to her, hours into the darkness and turned the night into theirs.

"Get out," she said softly as he entered the room. She was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Nicolas folded and unfolded a blanket by the window. They were both completely dressed and Kahlan did her best to hide her tears. "I don't want you here."

"Yes you do," he told her as he continued to make his way to the bed.

She sat up and pointed to the door, her emotions racing through her, showing freely. "I am not yours, you have no-"

His mouth claimed hers and she gave no fight, returning his kiss again and again as he pushed her back to the bed. He motioned for the man across the room to come to the bed. She didn't question the extra movement on the bed, even as the man above her turned into two.

Shaking the memory from her mind, she gave a weak smile. "We're going to need horses, the inn keeper has a few we are able to take."

"Kahlan-"

"We should get moving before the rain catches us."

Giving a sad smile, Richard nodded. "Alright, we wouldn't want Zedd complaining about getting his food wet."

The Mother Confessor didn't fight her wide grin as she walked beside him, letting loose a soft laugh. "It would be a tragedy."

Zedd was sitting in front of the fire, waving his hands over the flames for warmth, watching his grandson across from him. Richard had been quiet most of the day, his eyes lingering on the Confessor when he believed no one was watching. She did the same, but half as often, her face filled with pain each time. He could understand the frustrations they felt, but he had hoped they would have spoken about it before she took a mate. As the thought entered his mind, Kahlan sat down beside him with a bowl of soup, handing it to him quickly.

Richard noticed the way she moved, the way she always moved, when handing something to someone. She did it quickly and made sure her hands were not near theirs, a precaution, he knew, but wished she didn't take. It was a habit, he learned weeks back when he asked her to do the same to him, only then, their fingers touched. She was comfortable around him to the point she almost forgot what she was and the danger she may be. It was trapped in his mind that hers could change the way she thought when she was near him.

"He's watching you," the wizard commented through a whisper.

"I know," she replied just as soft. "He's always watching."

Looking to the brunette, he sighed. "You did what you must, dear one."

"I know. Zedd, he- When we spoke, I thought he was going to- I wanted him to tell me not to take Nicolas." She ignored the disappointed expression on the order man's face and continued without pause. "I don't know what I expected, but he- I can't forget the look in his eyes as he told me it was the right thing to do. He encouraged me to- Is it wrong that such a moment has made me care for him more?"

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I," she replied, not wanting to tell him the full story. "Sometimes I wonder if the Spirits are playing with us."

"I do not believe they would be so cruel."

"I don't know what to believe."

"You can go home, Kahlan."

Meeting his eyes, she swallowed. It was custom for the Confessor to return to Aydindril, but with her mate, but she couldn't leave Richard and it was part of the reason she sent Nicolas away.

"I cannot abandon him, Zedd. No matter what has been done, I need to see this through."

"How long can you expect this to-"

"I do not expect anything. We cannot know how this will unfold and I do not wish to peak into the future. I fear it too much. When the rifts are sealed, I will return to Aydindril and, if I must, take another mate. It is my duty, who I am."

"And the duty you have to him?"

"My duty, as his friend, is to protect him. That is what I will do."

"Kahlan-"

"Zedd, please... This is hard enough, please do not say it."

Nodding, the wizard looked back to Richard, who now sat with a bowl of his own in his lap. "I'm sorry, dear one."

"Me too."

"It must have been hard for him," he added quietly. "He would not give up on a life with you on no thought."

"No, but he believes I deserve something more. He sees it the way I see it for him. There is nothing we can give the other without pain. It is who we are."

"He will find happiness, someday. He will have a family and maybe, when the time is right, you will see him again."

"Then the pain will continue on."

"As it must. The two of you, no matter how hard you try, I believe it will be constant, one obstacle from another. Fighting can get you through, but at what cost?"

"I love him too much to put him through any kind of life with me."

"Yet, he will fight for the death with you."

"Is that how you see it?" she questioned in tears. They were small, but clear to see and her voice gave away everything. "Am I the death of him?"

"I'm not sure, but he has not given you up, he can't, not yet."

"Yet?"

Releasing a long and heavy sigh, Zedd nodded. "You know Richard, he is not a man to give up, not without a fight and for you, he will give everything he has."

"Is it so wrong for us to hope?"

"It's not the hope that will destroy him."

"No, I am."


	3. Chapter 3

"He can give you that moment, Kahlan. The one you've given me... You can be free." His lips were grazing hers as she fought for breath. He was laying against her side, his right hand sliding over her left thigh, caressing the skin beneath her dress. "He may even give you a daughter."

"I don't- Richard, it's not important that I have one, not now."

"You deserve to have a family, Kahlan and if I didn't, he may."

Bringing her right hand to his cheek, she found the courage to meet his eyes, showing the darkness of her magic. "Maybe it's not his daughter I want to carry."

"You should be a mother; I don't want my loving you to keep that from you."

Moving her fingers into his hair, she kiss him briefly. "You loving me, it's worth more."

"You can have more with him, Kahlan, you can have-"

"Is that why you wanted me to take him?"

Sitting up, he brought his hand to her stomach, letting it rest there as he watched it rise with her breath. "You don't have to be afraid with him. You won't hurt him. You can be free."

"I can't..."

"Why?"

He seemed confused by by her response and she couldn't help but notice the look in his eyes, the very feeling she felt within herself. He didn't want her to be with the man anymore than she did, but he loved her and believed that if she was free, if her magic released, she would conceive a child. The man at her side was willing to step back for a slight chance another man could give her something he couldn't, something she was created for.

"How can I carry his child when I'm in love with you? I would- If those moments were all we could have, I'd rather fill my lifetime with those, than anything like this."

"He can give-"

"Me nothing. I did not take him for this reason, not so that I may share my bed with him. Richard, I took him because you told me that I could have this kind of life because I wanted it and you were right. I want that life we spoke of, but not in any other way. I'm not ready to settle for something he may be able to give me, not when it's you that makes me want it." He was staring at his hand on her stomach, imaging what she could hold within and she saw it on his face. "I did not agree to take him as my mate so that we could share this night. I did it so that if I did conceive a child with you, no one would question until we wanted them to."

"If I gave you a child, would you know by now?"

"Maybe, but a Confessor does not always feel her immediately. Days can go by, weeks even. Some are not as fertile as others," she added almost shamefully, pushing his hand from her stomach to sit up, herself. "This was a mistake."

"Kahlan-"

"Please go, I want to be alone for a while."

He left without another word, without a glance to the other man, who continued to sit beside her legs. Before he left, his ears caught her next command, telling the man to lay beside her.

"Are you alright?"

"No," she replied with a half smile. "I can't seem to stop thinking."

Sitting down, he pressed his arms against hers, bringing himself as close as possible. "About what?"

"What I am to tell the High Council." She nearly laughed at the expression on his face, the confusion and panic that took over. "The word would have spread to them already. If I do not write them- I'm afraid their minds will wonder far past the truth."

"What are you going to tell them?"

"The truth," she stated quietly. Looking to the ground, she sighed. "I took a mate and I laid with a man in the hopes of creating a child."

"That is true."

"And within my favor."

"Why do you have to-"

"It is our custom. Most Confessors do not wait as I did, they abide by their rules and carry on. Maybe they will believe I did it for them, choosing a man they had selected. I don't know, it's all new to me. These were not questions I had not bothered to ask while growing up. Everyone of us would do it, I assumed I would know when the time was right."

He remained quiet for a few moments, letting her continue to think things through before asking her to think on another matter. "What about Nicolas?"

"I don't know." Bringing her eyes to the trees around them, she took in a deep breath. "I can't tell them that I sent him away, not when I only spent one night alone with him, but I could not... We both know what would have happened if he came with us." Swallowing the lump in her throat, she brought her eyes to his. "They will learn where he is, and before they receive my letter. The only way I can justify the action-"

"Is if you carried a child," he finished her sentence for her with the same soft tone. "Kahlan-"

"Please don't say it."

"What happens if you didn't-"

"I don't know. I'm not in the palace, making it easier for me to keep from their orders, but I will not be able to stay away forever."

Looking away, he stared down at his hands, watching as his fingers fell together. "If you had released your magic, would our chances of creating a child have been greater?"

"Maybe, I can't say for sure."

"You could have taken him-"

She grabbed his hand at once and he almost froze, his eyes darting to their surroundings in search of danger. "Don't say that," she whispered, noticing his response. "I have known Confessors to conceive a child without releasing their magic, three of them, but their stories are not those I wish to think on."

He wanted to question her on the matter, but from the sadness in her voice and the expression on her face, he was certain he already knew what had happened to those women. "He could have given you completion."

"Yes," she agreed, surprising him. "Is that- Is that so important?"

He met her eyes without the awkwardness he expected, instead he saw the innocence of the question in her eyes. "It's- Kahlan, there are things you have the right to experience."

"I don't feel the same way."

"Because you've never-"

"I've never reached that height?"

He nodded, moving his eyes to the area around them, needing to be sure no one was listening to their conversation. "I wanted you to."

"With Nicolas, I know."

"With me," he corrected, being sure he didn't meet her eyes. "When I came to your room, I waited for the release of your magic. But-"

"I know... But you changed your mind."

"No, I didn't want to hurt you."

He felt her eyes on him, watching the way she did when she was curious or confused, knowing he would help her to understand. "What do you mean?"

"If we were to lay together, if you and I both reached that moment together, no matter what happened, you would regret letting it go that far." He continued to look away, unable to meet her eyes, not yet. "And I saw it before, the pain you felt after we... The more we made love, the harder it became and I don't think we could have continued without hurting you further."

"Richard-"

Their eyes locked and he frowned. "You don't deserve to feel that kind of pain and I'm not going to stand by and watch you take it in."

Intertwining the fingers of her right hand with his left, she looked to the fire. "I take in more than pain."

"You shouldn't have to-"

"I am capable of making my own choices and I knew, maybe I didn't fully understand, but I knew that it wouldn't be without consequences. I knew and I did it anyway, again and again, and I wouldn't change what we've done."

"Why?"

"Because you gave me something I never thought I'd have." Pulling back her hand, she looked around them, feeling another set of eyes on them. "I will tell the High Council what they need to hear, part of our truth."

"And then-"

"If we conceived a child, I think we'll need to revisit this conversation."

He couldn't fight his smile as he pushed his shoulder against hers. "We'd name her first."

Bringing her eyes to his, she matched his expression. "Have you ever thought about it? What you would name your children?"

"Of course," he chuckled. "As I'm sure you have, at least once."

"Once, when we found Dennee."

"Never as a child?"

Shaking her head, she leaned into him. "I wasn't like the others. I spent most of my time reading and watching the people, trying to learn how to help them. When we found Dennee and I saw that she was with child, I imagined myself in her place."

"How's it feel?"

"I'm not sure."

"Kahlan-"

Shaking her head, she reached out and pushed her fingers close to the fire. "I was ashamed for the thoughts. I watched her for a few minutes, wondering what it would be like and then I... I realized that I would never have that."

He wanted to question her on the thoughts she had had, but he didn't want to push her into telling him, especially after she admitted to being ashamed of them. Instead, he found himself nodding before leaning the side of his head against hers. "What names did you think of?"

"Makayla, Kristin, Juliette..."

"Beautiful names," he mused. "Strong."

"They'd need to be." Shifting her head beneath his she smiled. "Your turn."

He was quiet for a few moments, letting the names she had spoken, dance around his ears, one remaining in collision with one he had thought of. "My father once told me that I would be lucky to be included in the conversation of a name and if I was, I should be smart enough to have some ready. Good ones," he chuckled. "I thought of a few, one, coming to me at a time. I liked Emma, Rosalyn, Carol and Makayla." He could almost see her eyes widen at the last name, her head giving a slight twitch against his shoulder.

Kahlan pulled back with a soft sigh, he knew, her mind trying to keep her from hoping for the life she imagined. "Did you ever talk about it? With a woman you were seeing?"

"No," he whispered distantly. "I never thought of having a family with them."

"What did you think would happen if you laid with them?" Her tone was part stern and the other playful, making him question which response he was going to give her.

"It wasn't about creating a family, with them, it was about-"

"Pleasure," she completed softly.

"We were young and foolish, but none of us wanted to become parents."

Lying down, she shifted so she was able to feel the warmth of the fire and look at him. Her head was next to him, letting her look up and continue to meet his eyes. "You didn't want a family with any of them?"

"No, they weren't you."

"You didn't know me."

"No, but I knew the type of woman that I wanted to mother my children." She remained quiet and he knew that she would. She wasn't they type of person to ask what qualities he liked about her, but he also knew that she wouldn't see them the way he did, anyway. "I want to try again," he found himself saying before he could catch the words from leaving his lips.

"It's dangerous," she whispered, turning her head to see the wizard watching them.

He was relieved by her action, understanding her meaning and finding it easier to move the conversation with. "We will pass another Inn, at some time, and we can-"

"I don't think Zedd will leave one of us out of his sight."

"Why?" he asked in confusion.

Meeting his eyes, she sighed. "I've spoke with him; it had begun about Nicolas, but it changed just as suddenly. He believes I will be the one to destroy you, not the Keeper. He may be right, no matter how we both wish he were not."

"If you were to confess me, I would not be destroyed. I know that I feel differently about it than the two if you do, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong."

"No, it doesn't," she agreed. "But it doesn't mean that we are."

Bringing his eyes to the fire, he swallowed his next set of words, knowing they would not help him, not tonight. "You should sleep. It's been a while since you've had a night-"

"My watch is before yours," she interrupted him seamlessly. "You should sleep, too."

"I don't think I'll be able to."

"Why?"

"Because I can't lay with you as I did before."

She grinned, a surprise to him as she closed her eyes. "They may be here with us, but that doesn't mean you can't lay close. Who knows what may happen in our sleep?"

A part of him was glad she had her eyes closed, she couldn't see the way his body jerked toward her. She had a tone she was perfecting, a seductive whisper that she had only used a few times, but it set him on fire.

Lying down, he let his head lay beside hers, his forehead by her nose and her lips, perfectly in his sight. It wouldn't be long until he was awoken for his watch, he only wished they were alone.

"Richard," Kahlan whispered as she shook his shoulder. He moved slowly, rolling onto his back with a sly grin as he opened his eyes.

His hand came up to her face, bringing it down to his for a surprisingly rough kiss. She gave in before her next breath, pushing forward until her chest hit his. It was a different feeling, one neither hated, but both disliked, their clothes keeping them apart. He pulled at her dress instinctively, trying to remove the obstacle without breaking any contact. Her response almost surprised him, but she was just as eager.

Sliding her hand beneath his shirt, she let her palm glide along his back, pulling him closer with a soft moan. The sound echoed around his ears, reminding him that they were not alone and, with their luck, one of their friends was probably watching.

Breaking their kiss, he pushed his forehead against hers, matching her half gasped breaths. "Is it my turn to keep watch?"

She laughed, nodding her head as he pulled back for a better look at her. "Yes."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself." Sitting up, he looked around, instantly meeting his grandfathers disapproving face. "Zedd-"

"It's best not to speak of it," the older man replied as Kahlan jumped up to look at him. "We will discuss this in the morning, Mother Confessor."

"It was only a kiss," Richard stated quickly, looking from one to the other. "An innocent kiss-"

"She has taken a mate, she no longer has the luxury of innocence."

"He's right, Richard."

"It was a kiss," he whispered to her alone.

Lowering her voice, she looked to the fire. "It wasn't all we wanted it to be."

"Kahlan-"

"I should sleep. We will be heading out before too long."

Giving a slow nod, he came to his feet. "I'm going to circle the perimeter."

"Have you written the High Council?"

"I have. I sent it off with a raven this morning," Kahlan replied softly. "I told them I have taken a mate and that I have and will continue to do what is necessary for me to give my people a child."

"Richard cannot be part of your plan, Kahlan."

"I am aware, wizard. There is no reason to worry, he- We may have lost ourselves in that moment, but it was only a goodbye. He knows what I have done, what I will do and there is nothing that can stop this." Keeping her eyes in the trail ahead of them, she sighed, "I don't know what more to do. I know that it hurts him, but I cannot take it back."

"No, you can't," he agreed without thought. "If you took that man to your bed, there is no changing anything. Creating a child is too important for you to waste a moment on Richard."

"I may not be able to bare Richard's children, but anything between us is not wasted."

"Kahlan-"

"It's not wasted to know that the way I feel, the way we feel, it happened without magic." The older man slowed his pace as he looked over to her. She was watching the ground as she moved, her hands clinging to the straps of her travel pack just below her shoulders and he could see the same expression his grandson held, written on her face. "I can't stop myself from believing that somehow, no matter what I'm told, I want to believe that I didn't fall in love with him to feel this pain."

"There is pain in everything we do, dear one."

"Not quite like this, Zedd." Turning her head toward him, she blinked through the wind. "You know how we feel, it's not a knife wound that will heal."

"No, but it will heal. One day, it will not be as painful."

"I can't imagine a moment when it doesn't hurt, when I don't feel like I've lost the most wonderful thing I've ever known." She smiled, surprising the older man as she looked from his grandson. "He's unlike everyone I've ever known, he has never looked at me the way others do, the way even you do. He's my friend, Zedd."

"He can still be your friend, Kahlan. You have duties, both of you, but they should not ruin the friendship."

"I took a mate while the man I love, who loved me, sat in a room down the hall. I can't undo that pain, for either of us. I'm afraid the friendship we had, however strong I believed it to be, it suffered. Last night, when he kissed me, I- I know how you feel about it, but I couldn't move away. I wanted to believe, for just a few breaths, that I had not lost everything." Releasing a sigh, she blinked through the oncoming set of tears. "But I have." Meeting the wizard's eyes, she blinked. "Our duties are made to keep us apart, but not in love alone."

"The pain will fade, dear one."

"I'm not sure I want it to."

"You've been sitting here for over an hour," Cara said annoyed. "He's going to notice you're gone."

"I needed time alone to think."

"You're not alone."

Grinning, Kahlan turned her head toward the scowling blonde. "No, I'm not, but you've sat there quietly."

"What would you have preferred?"

"Nothing less." Looking back to the darkness of the trees around them, the Mother Confessor sighed. "Has he said anything to you?"

"No."

"If I was to tell you something, would you be obligated to tell him?"

"I don't want to hear-"

"That's not what I asked."

"No. I am not obligated unless Lord Rahl commands me to."

Turning toward the blonde, she swallowed her fear. "If I don't talk to someone about this, I may go mad. Cara, I- Richard and I tried to conceive a child." The other woman stared in disbelief, shocked by her words. "I took Nicolas as my mate, but I did not lay with him. That night, in the inn, Richard came to me-"

"Have you lost your mind?"

"No, but I feel like as though I've- I'm pregnant."

The Mord'Sith relaxed before her, surprising the brunette completely. "That's what you're moping about?"

"I'm not moping, Cara. I'm- I am trying to decide what to do." She knew her friend understood, but she continued anyway, hoping that by hearing the thoughts out loud, the decision would become obvious. "If I tell Richard I carry his child, there are only a few things that can happen. We know how he feels and what he will do. He won't let me out of his sight and he cannot be worried about me when there is much left of this quest." Releasing a quiet sigh, she closed her eyes. "And when it's done, what then?" Looking to the other woman, Kahlan waited for a response, hoping for advice, but receiving only silence. "I cannot let him throw his life away, not because of I was selfish. I want him to be happy, but he can't be, not with me. Zedd's going to burn me alive," she added softly. "Spirits, what have I done?"

"I don't see the problem," Cara stated, annoyed.

"Do I tell Richard?"

Crossing her arms, Cara rolled her eyes. "If you want to."

"I'm afraid." Bringing her eyes to the trees, Kahlan blinked her thoughts into place. "I didn't think this would happen. I thought that, at most, I would experience something others do, but somehow, I've gained something more. If this was able to happen, I- If I can bare his children, I don't want this to be the only one. How can I say that?" she said more to herself than to the other woman, who remained quiet. "How can I want to risk his life? Cara, I'm afraid that if I tell him I carry his child, he will allow me to hold him close until I destroy him."

"It won't stop him."

"He won't be the man he was before, he won't be able to stop."

"Than you don't have anything to worry about."

"I have everything to worry about."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. Tell me what you think I should do."

Releasing a sigh, she licked her lips and leaned back against a tree. "You're a fool for allowing this to happen. You've already destroyed him and the instant he learns you are carrying his child, his life is over. He'll never let you out of his sight and if your child carries his magic with yours, there will be no denying who fathered it. If you gave birth to a boy, you would both die, failing to protect it. There is a reason you were to take a mate, to keep from him, but you dismissed every rule you've ever been taught, because he freely wanted to touch you."

She waited for the Mother Confessor to become angry, to strike against her, but she didn't. Instead, Kahlan remained still, her eyes on the ground before the other woman as she let her mind soak in her words. Time felt to slow as she took in a breath, the cool air keeping her stiff. The wind blew past with no mercy, but neither moved. They sat in silence for a few minutes, either enjoying the moments or plotting against each other, neither knew.

A Mord'Sith would do anything to protect The Lord Rahl and Cara was the best of them. If she felt his life to be threatened, Kahlan held no doubt that she would act instantly and without hesitation or regret, saving him as she must. It was a fact that helped ease her through many nights, the ones where she couldn't sleep and found herself imagining their futures apart. He would be taken care of until she drew her last breath and maybe, somewhere along the line of their friendship, he would grow to care more about her and take the blond as his wife. She had smiled at the thought the first time it entered her mind, a Mord'Sith, Cara, married to Lord Rahl, but now, as she revisited the thought, she found herself jealous.

She was more than capable of pleasing him, Kahlan reasoned with herself. Mord'Sith were torturous beings, but it didn't mean that they did not know how to do the opposite. She was certain Cara would be a passionate person, the way she responded to the others and her loyalty made her certain. He would enjoy her company more, her mind whispered. She's experienced and skilled, matching his own, they would be a better fit.

Images began to fill her mind, making it difficult to breathe. "It may be you one day," she found herself saying. "When we separate and he takes his place in the People's Palace, he will need someone and we know how he feels- It may be you he takes as his own."

The blonde shook her head at once. "I've already offered my services to him and he declined. He won't take me to his bed, not when you are breathing and once you give birth to his child, he will never look at another woman."

"You'll have to convince him, he can't spend the rest of his life alone, not because of my selfishness."

"You've ready brought him to that point. You cannot take back what you've done."

"I don't wish to take it back, Cara. I want to make it to where he doesn't ruin his life."

"It's not possible."

"It doesn't keep me from wishing that it was."

"It wouldn't," she replied surprisingly tender. If the brunette didn't know better, she would think the other woman cared and maybe even understood how she felt, but she didn't push the thought, she couldn't. "Find some wood, I'll kill something to eat."

"You need your rest," Richard whispered from her side. She had laid in the same position for hours, staring up at the sky as her mind fought to make a decision. Until the sun set, she gave no sign of distress, but now, he couldn't miss it. "Kahlan, what's wrong?"

Closing her eyes, she sighed. "Nicolas is dead. I felt it happen some time ago."

His reaction surprised her, his body moving close in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm sorry." His face was close to her neck, his breath warming the skin as his arm draped over her stomach. "I know how that must upset you."

"It's strange to feel so connected to someone me then have it fade away."

"What will happen now?"

"Many things," she replied distantly. "I must set myself onto the path chosen for me. When we seal the rifts, I must return to my home and continue on." He remained still and calm, the beat of his hear steadily making its way for his chest and through her arm. "It is what I am."

"Alright," he said softly, surprising her once more. "I'll get you there."

Turning her head, she met his eyes, the open book he allowed her to read. She could see hit every thought, worry and fear, each matching her own, even the panic. Rolling onto her side, she brought her right hand to his cheek and slowly inched closer. He remained still, accepting her movements while holding her gaze. "I wish I could make this right."

"There's nothing wrong," he managed to whisper before catching his own lie. "It's nothing you've done."

"I've hurt you and I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your intention."

"No, but I-"

"I'm the one who should be sorry, Kahlan. I told you that I would give you a child and, I failed you."

He gave a brief pause before the final set of words, an action she noticed instantly, but said nothing. Sliding her fingers back, she moved them into his hair bringing herself closer without hesitation. Her lips touched his in flawless motion, a kiss that held them frozen in time. He questioned the action, wondering if she realized they were not alone, that the days had passed.

He wanted to hold her tight, to take them back to the night he had come to her with the promise. If they returned to that night, maybe he could try again, try harder and be the man she saw in him. She allowed him to take her, to love her in a way no other had, and what was most important, she trusted him. It wasn't an easy decision for her to make, a fact he knew very well. The woman against him wasn't the kind to let anyone be close, to allow another to do as they pleased, but with him, she would never stop him.

She continued to kiss him without pause, lost in the action and growing more passionate with each moment. It was intense, powerful and yet, it wasn't enough. Pulling back, he took in a breath and made up his mind, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet rapidly.

Kahlan followed him into the trees, her heart racing as he moved them farther into the darkness. Tightening her hold on his hand, she pulled, hoping for him to stop and tell her what they were doing, but he continued on. When she was nearly out of breath, he stopped and without hesitation, he brought her back against a tree and leaned against her. Her fingers found their way into his hair, holding him close as she pushed her chest into his. Within moments, her legs were wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer with a moan that was lost in his lips.

Trailing his lips down her neck, he snaked his hands between them and pulled the laces of her dress. Before he hand a moment to think, his reached inside, letting his fingers touch her skin, pleased to learn she wasn't wearing her corset. Her head pulled back as he moved his hands, skillfully messaging the soft skin until her breasts were within his grasp.

His body screamed as hers pushed forward, fueling the fire to burn hotter than imaginable. His lips held her neck, feeling the hard thump of her heart against his tongue as he moved to the hollow of her neck. Tracing his way back to her lips, he stepped forward, giving them an ounce of what they desired, an inch of their freedom. Her hands found his cheeks as their foreheads pressed together, both sucking in a heavy breath. The darkness of her eyes whispered to him, called him forward in words she could never speak.

Her magic knew him, said his name and dared him to follow. She would never let go, her heart would cease to beat before she gave in and allowed herself to be free. It made him quake all the more, desperate for her in a way he could never fulfill.

He waited. His heart raced as though he was running through the trees, a part of him expected to rip out of his chest and slam into hers. He needed her permission, her approval to continue. After failing her before, he didn't imagine it would come.

Dropping her hands to his chest, she pulled at his shirt, hungry for what was next. He didn't make the next move as she thought he would, making her mind race through her thoughts. He watched her carefully, his hands tightening with each breath, his attempt to hold back draining.

His shirt slipped from her fingers, falling to the ground as her left hand moved over his shoulder. He was still holding her to the tree, their bodies hot in desire and both breathing as though they were being chased through the trees. Running her tongue across her lips, she waited in anticipation, in excitement and a fear she only knew when she was in this position.

She always wondered what was in his head, what he was thinking and how it brought him to her. He should not want to be near her, she was unlike other women, all other women, especially those he knew. He was experienced and skilled, a fact she knew for herself and she was not. When he held her close, she could barely breathe and thinking was not entirely easy. Her mind raced in circles, circling how it's possible for her to be in the moment. Even now, she waited for him to pull away, for his mind to warn him of her danger, her inadequacy.

Gliding his hands over her sides, he pushed himself an inch closer, watching her closely. Her body accepted his, welcomed it fully with a slight shift. She was his perfection. Her body fit with his in a way he couldn't fully describe. When she was close, their lips were perfectly aligned, the rest falling into place.

In their current position, she was perfectly in his embrace. Her breasts were pressed against his chest, the tops peaking out from the pressure between them. Her legs wrapped perfectly around his waist, an action he lost himself to in thought.

His body ached for hers, throbbing in anticipation, but he didn't act upon it. He couldn't. Not yet.

Bringing her hands to her face, he pushed back her hair and held her eyes. "Are you alright?"

"No," she whispered in reply. "I don't know how long I can hold on."

"Do you want me to move?"

Shaking her head, she tightened her legs to hold him in place. "That's not what I want."

"What do you-"

"You," she interrupted smoothly.

"Kahlan-"

"I know." And she did.

They didn't have to continue through this, they could stop and he wouldn't mind, but she couldn't bring herself to allow it to happen. She felt safe in his arms, warm and loved. It wasn't something she felt before and she never wanted it to end. In the moments when she thought she would explode, when he was above her and her magic threatened to take over, she found herself free and in a way she never was before.

Nudging his nose against her chin, he smiled and wrapped his arms around her. When they made love, it would not be against a tree.

With her head tucked beneath his chin, Kahlan wrapped her arm around his and snuggled closer. She was naked, they both were, and the winter air surrounded them perfectly. She should be cold, but she wasn't. Their bodies glistened with sweat, giving them both a burning sensation as the wind blew by. Her heart was racing, her body struggling to find a full breath as she pushed down her magic.

Richard moved his left hand over her back, pulling her impossibly closer. He felt relaxed, his eyes closed as he soaked in the moment. It was rare for her to allow him to hold her, even after they shared the same space, but now, she held him just as tight. Taking in a deep breath, he tried to focus on the scent, the aroma that lingered in a mixture of lavender, sweat and everything in the forest. It made him smile, his heart racing as he thought of the smell, the one that was made by them, alone.

"We should get dressed. They're going to notice we're gone."

"I'm sure they already have."

"They can't find us like this."

"Naked?"

"Together."

"Both," he added with a small smile as she rolled onto her back. "They won't find us, not yet."

"Maybe they should."

"If they were supposed to stop us, they would have come earlier when we were pressed against the tree." Her cheeks reddened as she imagined the moment, embarrassed to think that they could have been found that way. "Kahlan, I- I know that you have a duty to your people, but I would like- When we seal the rifts and you return home-"

"I am home."

Smiling, he moved his hand down her side and pulled himself closer. "So am I, but that's not what I meant... When you return to Aydindril, I would like to go with you."

"Richard-"

"I know what you're going to say, and I know how important it is for you to return and... You may take some other man to your bed, but I won't stop loving you. I need to be with you, however I can. I want to go with you, Kahlan and I want to be there, for you and your children."

"I can't ask you to do that."

Letting his hand glide back to her side, Richard sighed, "You aren't asking, you don't have to. I want to be there."

"I don't understand how you could want to..." She stared up at the tree limbs above them, noticing the way the moonlight and stars shined through the tiny leaves, giving her something to focus on while she tried to find her words, her breath. Her hand laid on his arm, partly pulling, but resting comfortably as well. She knew there was no explanation for the way she felt when he was near, when he touched her and now, as they both lay naked together, she wished she could find the correct description. "This, us... Everything would be different there. The things I would have to do... They-"

"Would be difficult," he interrupted, surprising her by speaking her thoughts. "For us both, I know, but I can't help the feeling that it would be more than worth any of the pain we feel going into it. You will take a mate and I, I will be hurt each time, but then I'll see you and there will be no doubt in my mind that it wasn't the right thing. I know you and I know that as hard as it will be, we will find a way to have a single moment together where, no matter what, we are content. Happy." When he finished, he brought his eyes to hers, his hand following, to wipe her small set of tears that were set free. "I know that it won't be easy, for either of us, but it's the only way I can think..." His words trailed off into the wind as she reached up and took his hand from her cheek. "I know what you're going to say... We can have a life together, Kahlan."

"And as much as I would love nothing more, I cannot do that to you. I have been selfish, consistently and I do not have the right. If we were to do as you suggest, I would - I can't be the reason you are not happy. I know that you think that maybe you could be, that we could be, but we can't. I cannot give you what you need, what you deserve. I cannot give you a family... A son."

"You are my family, Kahlan." Moving his hand over her stomach, he smiled as she took in a breath. "Our home will be filled with our daughters-"

"Richard-"

"Our daughters, Kahlan," he interrupted seamlessly as though she hadn't spoken. "They will race through the palace, chasing each other while you and I find a moment to ourselves... One like this one." Walking his fingers between her breasts, he brought her eyes up to hers. "We can have that life."

"We can't-"

"Why?"

"Because it's not enough now, how can we expect it to be then?"

"I can give you more, what do you need? I can-"

"No, you can't. Richard, we can't have- I'd destroy you."

"After everything we have done, you haven't destroyed me. Kahlan, look at me, I'm right here and I'm still me. We've laid together, we've- I'm not confessed."

"No, you aren't," she agreed quietly. "But it doesn't mean that it won't happen. No matter how careful we are, there's always the risk and I," turning toward him, she inched forward until her chest was flattened against his, her arm sliding around his shoulder. "I want that life, the one you can have with anyone else. This, lying here with you, this would be all I could give you and it's not enough, not for either of us."

He held her firmly, hugging her closer to, not only keep them warm, but to make sure she understood. "I like this and not because we just made love. This is us, Kahlan."

"For tonight it is."

"Kahlan-"

"Can we stay this way for a few minutes?"

"As long as you want."

"I don't think I'll ever want to move."

"Then it's settled," he whispered with a smile. "We'll stay here until the rain catches us."


	4. Chapter 4

"You two were gone for some time last night."

Nodding, Kahlan gave a weak smile as she brought her eyes to the wizard's. "We discussed what would happen when the rifts were sealed."

"And?"

"He wants to come home with me, with us." She saw him about to respond, her heart pounding as she imagined the anger he would spit in her direction. "I told him what I must do, how it is I live, but... We both know the High Council will find use of him, he may find-"

"They could throw him into a pit filled with naked women and he would not notice. He may find another woman, yes, but we know Richard. Your memory will have to be burned from his mind."

"There are many women in Aydindril, we cannot say he will not find one for himself."

"No," the older man agreed with a nod, "but we would be fools to believe it will happen. We know how he feels about you, he is not one to give up, on anything."

"Perhaps. I won't hurt him, Zedd, I can't."

Nodding, he gave a soft sigh, "I'm afraid it's too late. Are you going to tell him about the child?"

Kahlan froze mid-step, her heart pounding against her chest as she turned to face him in surprise. "How-"

With a smile, the older man reached out and took her hand, "You've made sure to eat something each time we have stopped, and you keep resting your hands against your stomach. It's hard to miss."

"Please don't say anything, not yet. I need to find the right words."

"No matter the words, it will not ease the pain."

"No, but they may save our friendship."

"Kahlan-"

Stepping back, the Mother Confessor straightened her back and lifted her head, holding his attention. "I will not tell him until he has sealed the rifts. I will return to Aydindril and do what is necessary for my people. I have no future with Richard, not in the way we both desire, but I cannot lose my friend."

"Then you should tell him now. The longer you wait, the harder it will become."

"How can I-"

"You know Richard, dear one. He will feel pain for only a moment before he grows excited for you."

"It's cruel, Zedd."

"But it must be done."

Her mind was spinning, screaming for the older man to let it go, to allow her to carry the secret, but he showed no sign of releasing here. It was her fault, she told herself, she hid the fact truth of the child's father. It was forbidden and she had done it anyway, destroying any trust they had between them. If she told him now, he would understand her not wanting to tell his grandson, but his reaction may do the very deed. Before she could make a decision, she spoke, "I can't tell him, I won't. Not until the world is safe. Then, and only then, will I speak to him about what will come next. When the world is safe, no sooner."

"Kahlan- What is it you aren't telling me, Mother Confessor."

Her blood ran cold, the man now speaking to her as a Wizard of the First Order, nearly her equal. "There are secrets that are best left to lie. Know that I do this for him and not to toss aside your advice."

"When we seal the rifts, you will tell him?"

"I will, I give you my word as his friend; as Mother Confessor."

"Very well. We should hurry, they've likely stopped for us down the path."

Richard found them horses the night before, a gift from a small town they rescued from banelings. He rode close to her, his eyes shifting from the trail, to the trees and then locking on her for a breath, doing his best to keep her from noticing. She had been quiet, too quiet and he missed the sound of her voice. He continued to talk to her, hoping that one thing may lead her to speak more. She didn't seem to be upset, but he didn't push the thought from his mind. Something was different, a fact clear to his eyes, but he didn't want to hope for it to be what he wanted it to.

They hadn't spoken about what they had done, not since their last night together and he knew that if she did conceive a child, there was a reason she hadn't told him. If she carried his child, his mind wondered, leaving his words to trail off into silence as he allowed himself to imagine the life he always wanted. There was a reason she would be keeping it a secret, he reminded himself, and he knew that it was him, in some way he couldn't see, she was protecting. Glancing over his shoulder, he gave a swift smile and made sure his eyes didn't linger. If she was with child, he didn't want to draw attention to her, to them.

"What's wrong?"

He struggled with the instinct to look at her again, to lose a moment in her eyes and hope to never be rescued. "Nothing's wrong," he said quickly. "I was thinking."

"About what?" She was using the tone she did when she knew the answer, but asked anyway, the one she rarely used with him.

"What happens when we seal the rifts." She remained quiet for a moment, a reaction he expected, but wished away. "I want to return to Hartland for a few days," he added without emotion.

"I'm sure they'd love to have you back. They must miss you."

"Maybe," he replied softly. He knew what she meant, the words she wouldn't speak, the woman's name she wouldn't say. "Everything has probably changed. I may not recognize anything anymore."

"More reason for you to go," she told him more cheerfully than she intended. "You'll be able to see them differently, perhaps aid them in those changes."

"I've considered that."

"Considered?"

"It's one of the reasons I don't want to return."

"I don't understand," she said, her tone changing.

Slowing his horse, he looked over to her, forgetting about his previous thoughts, about the secret he believed she held and the life they could never have. "You saw the way things were, the way my brother was. I'm not sure I am the one that can help them to change."

"You're not- Michael was the man you always thought he was, maybe he lost his way, but he found a way back."

"Yes, but after how many died?"

"You're not-"

"No, I'm not like him," he said, completing her sentence. "I'm worse. I'm a Rahl."

Her hand reached out, his instinctively moving, clutching hers. "You may have Rahl blood, but your heart is a Cypher." She waited a moment for him to respond, but when he didn't, she squeezed his hand. "You'll never be that kind of man, Richard. Your people will never fear you."

"Maybe they should."

"Maybe," she responded with an expression that nearly made him laugh. "You may kill them with your kindness. It's a horrible death, to be given so much... How dare you be such a generous man."

He grinned, fighting the urge to chuckle. It felt good to talk to her again, touch her, even if it was only holding her hand. It wouldn't last long, but it was enough to calm him. "Sometimes I wish I was able to see things the way you do."

"And I, you." If she hadn't pulled back her hand, he would have needed a moment to understand her meaning and hear the soft pain in her voice.

"But we can only see things the way we know them," he whispered in reply. "If I returned to Hartland," he added swiftly, "I don't think I would stay. It isn't my home any longer."

"It could be. You may be surprised."

Shaking his head, Richard sighed. "My family is here. You, Zedd and Cara, you are here."

"They can go with you, Richard."

"But you won't," he stated factually. "The rifts will be sealed in a few weeks and we both know what will happen. I will build a place here, in the Midlands, and maybe you'll come visit."

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

"Richard," she whispered, her voice barely reaching his ears. "Your heart is not a Rahl."

"We don't know that."

"I do."

"Kahlan-"

"I know you. I've looked into your eyes, remember? I have seen the truth of you. You're nothing like Darken Rahl and if you choose to help lead your people, they won't fear you, they have no reason to."

"Kahlan-"

Bringing her eyes to the wizard ahead of them, she slouched her shoulders, catching the disappointed expression on his face. "We should move faster. Zedd will want to eat soon."

"You're shaking."

"The wind blew by."

"Kahlan," he whispered, inching his body closer to hers. He wanted to tell her that he knew, that he suspected the child within, but as she met his eyes, he couldn't. "You're freezing."

"I'm fine. A little cold wind won't kill me, Richard."

His hand moved to the side of her face, resting against her right cheek for a moment before moving his fingers to her hair. "It might."

"I'm fine, I promise."

"Come here." She opened her mouth to object, but he was already pulling her into his arms. "Just until you stop shaking," he added as their chests met.

She didn't move away like he thought she would, instead, she wrapped her arm around his and pulled herself closer. His mind wondered on the action, winding around thoughts that he knew would lead him into trouble. The warmth between them was instant, but she didn't pull back. It was comfortable, as though it was how they ended each night, but as he took in a deep breath of her lavender scent, he realized she would never allow them to have it, not together. Tightening his arms around her, he pulled, slowly bringing his back to the ground. The wizard would be watching and he didn't want to give him a reason to be upset with them, not when he had already made his opinion on the couple more than clear.

Maybe it was he, she wanted to keep the secret from, he thought. The older man wouldn't understand the life they wanted together, he couldn't. He saw Kahlan the way most of the world saw her, as a monster who awaited the moment to be set free, something she wasn't.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" The words left his lips before he could stop them, his mind made up.

"You can ask anything of me," she replied without pause.

Pulling back, he brought just enough distance between them to meet her eyes. "When the rifts are sealed, come with me. When the world is safe, come with me to Hartland." As she opened her mouth to speak, he moved his hand over her side, sending a wave of warmth through her. "I'm not asking you to stay, I know that you can't, but I have been thinking and I know it's not something you can answer quickly, but I am asking. Kahlan, if you were there, maybe I would be the man you see in me and I can be of help to them. Maybe I can help them become the city my brother wanted them to be."

"How long would you want me to stay?"

Her question surprised him, completely different than the one he expected her to ask. Instead of dismissing the idea or warning him of the dangers, she accepted his words. "I know you couldn't stay long... Not as as long as I would like you to, but if you wouldn't mind, just a few days."

"Alright," she answered rapidly, again, surprising him.

"Are you sure? I know how important it is that you return to Aydindril."

She moved slowly, but not through hesitation, bringing her hand to his cheek with a small smile. "I'm sure. I may have a duty to return home, but I have one to you as well. I won't abandon you, Richard."

"I know, but there are more important things for you to do."

Rubbing her thumb over his cheek, she swallowed. "Not more important than you."

"Kahlan-"

"I'll come with you," she whispered, interrupting him smoothly.

"Thank you."

Withdrawing her hand, she wrapped her arm around his and pulled herself back against him. "It's still cold."

"Kahlan," Richard whispered as he shook her shoulder. "Zedd went to find us something more for breakfast-"

"Breakfast?" she questioned through a sleepy haze. "I haven't taken my watch-"

"I know," he continued softly. "I started to wake you, but you seemed to need the sleep." A part of him wanted to tell her that she gave away her secret in her sleep, that she found it difficult to keep her hands from her stomach and at times, held his there as well, but he couldn't do it. "You seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so I took your watch."

"You didn't have-"

"I know, but I did. It's nothing you wouldn't have done for me. Here," he added as he showed her one of his favorite snacks, bread that was covered in honey. "Zedd nearly ate everything earlier, but I saved one for you." She took the food as she sat up, noticing the way he backed away to give her space. "The fire will be dying soon, you should gather up some of it's warmth before we need to travel again. It's even colder today."

With a nod, she looked around them, realizing they were alone. "No snow, this morning..."

"There was some this morning, but it didn't linger. Your blanket must have shielded you from the extra cold."

A small smile came to her lips as she met his eyes. "I'm sure yours helped as well. You must have been-"

"I laid close," he interrupted softly. "I was warm enough." He continued to fight the smile that pulled on his lips, the happiness at the hidden secret, hoping he was doing what she wanted. He felt her watching him, seeing through him, the way only she could. "What?"

"How long have you known?"

"What?" he questioned innocently, making her smile widen for a moment.

Leaning forward, she lowered her voice as she held his eyes. "You know what. How-"

"I thought that maybe- Last night, you told me without saying anything." To continue the morning of surprises, Kahlan moved forward until she was sitting on his lap. Laying her hands on the sides of his face, she inched closer as his arms circled her waist. "Zedd can't know, can he?"

She swallowed, frowning as her hands lowered between them. "He knows I'm pregnant, Richard. He doesn't- I couldn't tell him she was yours."

"Because he wouldn't understand."

"I don't think that he can." Grabbing a piece of his shirt, she pulled sightly. "There were a few minutes when I thought he was going to figure it out."

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't want me to wait to tell you, and no matter what my reason was to hold it in, he continued to push... I thought he would see through it."

"But he didn't."

Slouching her shoulders, she sighed. "No, he didn't."

"And we can't tell him, can we?"

"No- I don't know. Not right away."

"Does this mean it's time for us to revisit that conversation?"

She smiled, before licking her lips, buying herself a moment. "It appears that it does."

"Makayla?"

Letting out a soft laugh, she nodded. "We did agree on it, didn't we?"

"Quickly."

Giving his shirt another soft tug, she looked down at her hands for a moment. "You don't have to be alright with this, Richard."

"What do you mean?"

Bringing her eyes to his, she tilted her head, the way she did when she wasn't sure what to say. "This can't be how you wanted a child, and I know- You do not have an obligation to us."

"Kahlan-"

"I remember the way you talked about it, the-"

"Don't do that-"

"You had your life planned, Richard. You knew where you wanted to live, the home you wanted your family to grow in and this, this isn't it." Blinking, she released his shirt and flattened her palms against his chest, doing her best to remove the wrinkles she had just created. "You deserve to have that life, to be happy and lay with your wife in your arms and your children-"

"Our children," he corrected her softly.

"Richard, please... You know that we cannot have a life together, not one as wonderful as that."

"Because you'd confess me?"

"It's possible."

"No, it's not. You love me too much."

She didn't fight the smile that pulled on her lips, but he knew it was hard for her to ignore. "That, I do, but I cannot promise-"

"That you won't lose control in a night of passion and make me your slave. Mother Confessor, I am already at your bidding, I await your every command and the sound of your voice."

"Richard-"

"Each gasp you make in passion belong to me alone, as I belong to you."

She swallowed, her heart racing with a fierce pounding she feared would rip through her chest. "You are not my slave, Richard. You are free, you are more than I can give you."

"You have given me everything in my freedom to love you."

"How can you say such a thing? You know what I am capable of."

Sliding his hands up her back, he pulled her closer. "You are capable of many things."

Her forearms rested against his shoulders, her fingers stroking the hair at the back of his neck. "Like loving a man I cannot have."

"At loving me, I assure you, you are exceptionally capable." Her cheeks were burning as he grazed his lips against hers. "Proof lies within you."

"Proof of your-"

Tightening his arms around her he connected their lips, silencing her at once. She allowed the kiss to continue, savoring the action before they were caught. She knew what would come next and it felt to be a sin to end the moment and tear apart their last breath of hope. A letter had already been sent to her home, to the High Council, who eagerly awaited the news of the upcoming birth. To them, it was Nicolas' child she carried and it was his land they gained and most likely, already taken over.

The world he knew was entirely different, the life he would have at her side was one he had never dreamed of and who was she to ask him to hide with her in the shadows? That would be the life they could have, one where they made love in secret and held each other in the dark, a life she should not want to give him.

Breaking their kiss, she held her forehead against his and shared his next few breaths. When courage boiled in her blood, she brushed her lips against his for a single kiss. "We can never be."

And then she was gone, out of his lap and away from his warmth, the cold air quickly forcing its way over him. He knew better than to hurry after her, to run into the trees and demand that she be his forever, so he remained still. His lips were still warm from hers, a pressing reminder of the comfort she was. She would not keep their child from him, a fact he knew to be as true as his breath. He would have a family, but it would not be in the way he hoped for, the way he dreamed it would be.

"You'll be able to talk sense into her when the rifts are sealed." He jumped at her voice, his friend kneeling down behind him with a surprisingly genuine smile. "You've deflowered her-"

"Cara, please... We should pack, Zedd will want to leave once he's eaten again."

Three days had passed since they named their unborn child and Richard continued with the struggle of keeping his part of it a secret. They hadn't spoke much, but considering the story the wizard was told, he didn't expect them to. The older man knew that it would be hard for his grandson to know that the woman he loved carried another man's child, but he expected something entirely different to come from the news. The couple continued to steal glances, but they were short and never at the same time, something Zedd had not seen in some time. Richard would wait for her to fall asleep and then move his bedroll beside hers, making sure he laid in a way that shielded her from the wind. At times, the wizard would study them at night during his watch, noticing the small movements the other made to acknowledge the others presence, even in their sleep.

He awoke before she did, every morning, making sure he was packed when she opened her eyes, and that there was something close by for her to eat. She'd give him a small smile in thanks, but nothing was said. Kahlan never refused the food, eating quietly and at times, continuing as they walked, giving her something to think on. Cara had come to walk at her side, something the others assumed Richard had asked her to do. The women spoke through a whisper, their conversations never hitting the ears of the other two, something Zedd thought would bother his grandson, but in truth, it didn't.

He couldn't imagine what was going through her head, how she felt and if she was scared, something he knew she would be able to talk about with the Mord'Sith. It reminded him of the way he felt when he had been confessed to Annabelle and the feelings he felt from deep within her, they were those he wished to have now, experience through Kahlan's eyes. He knew that she had to be excited, in some small way and he wanted desperately to feel it. He wondered if it matched his own, if the frustration of the situation made it more difficult and if she needed anything. Each time he looked at her, he tried to read her expression, hoping that for a moment he would know and be able to do what she needed, what she wanted.

He half smiled at the thought, imagining her doing something she wanted to as opposed to what she was needed to do. It was not easy to picture, she never thought of herself above others. Their child would be taken care of in a way no other woman could, there was something about her that made him sure that the child would never know anything other than kindness. He froze mid-step at the thought, his mind racing through the stories he had heard about the way Kahlan had grown up, the fear she experienced and the way that, even now, the people looked at her. He never wanted their child to know that feeling. It's unavoidable, Kahlan would tell him. He could hear her voice and see the sad smile she'd give him, her hand softly resting against his arm as she tried to assure him that it was not the worst thing in the world, but to him, it was close.

The snow was becoming harder to move through and at times, Richard had to help her weave through. The other two found it entertaining as they watched his footsteps come closer together so that she was as to step into them without pause, an action she was sure to thank him on, but they were only words. It was hard for him and she knew that it was, leaving her to wish that she could do more than smile.

They were given shelter at a few inns, many who were more than happy to help without the persistence of the Mother Confessor. He would lay in his room for hours, listening to the silence as his mind thought and tried to find a way to make it right.

He entered her room quietly, searching for a sign of her on the bed. It was obvious that she had laid beneath the blankets, but as he entered the room and felt the cool air, he knew where to find her. She laid before the fire, facing it's warmth in silence as he came closer. Laying down behind her, he let his arm drape over her side, sitting his fingers on her stomach for a breath before she took it in hers and brought it to her chest. It was a familiar position, one they had shared more often then either knew, a comfort unlike any other. She held his arm to her for a few moments, her heart pounding against it.

She turned around, surprising him fully as she pushed herself forward and brought her face in the crook of his neck. Her arm circled his shoulder, holding herself against him as though it was something she always did.

"Are you alright?" he questioned softly, feeling the subtle shake of her body.

"I don't know," Kahlan whispered honestly in reply, warming his neck further with her breath.

Tightening his arms, he rubbed his left hand over her back, hoping to help warm her. "You should be sleeping in your bed," he whispered.

"I tried," she replied, her breath on his neck. "It's warmer over here."

"Maybe-"

"It's more comfortable, anyway."

"Is the Mother Confessor saying that she would rather sleep on the floor than a nice, big bed?"

She grinned at his playful tone, "The Mother Confessor can sleep where she pleases."

He had to fight the words that pulled on his lips, the comment about he not being able to sleep in his bed. "A life of luxury," he commented through a breath.

"It can be," she replied without pause. "Luxury does not always have the same benefits as comfort." Pulling out of his arms, she rolled onto her back with a quiet sigh. "Why did you come here?"

"I've been worried," he told her instantly, trying to hide the surprise he felt as she held his hand against her stomach. "I've- I wanted to know how- If you needed anything..."

"I'm fine. You have taken very good care of me," she said with a smile, meeting his eyes. "It was not hard to figure out who was leaving me the berries and you're the only person I know who can cook a rabbit that way." Letting her fingers dance lightly over his arm, she grinned. "Thank you."

"What happens when you return to Aydindril?"

"I will visit a midwife, most likely, Alexandra, she's been with the Confessors for as long as I can remember. She will make sure everything is alright, give me advice and help me through the months." She answered him softly and without delay, surprising him for a moment, but it was almost as though it was a typical conversation for them to have. She spoke softly, her hand resting on his arm, her eyes on the ceiling above them as they listened to the crackle of the fire. "The High Council will make sure I'm busy, I'm sure there are many Confessions that are needed and many laws that must be attended to. I cannot imagine what has become of our lands."

"And when you give birth?"

He watched her eyes close and couldn't help but notice the expression on her face, the fear and anticipation, the excitement he caught for only a moment. "I don't know, truthfully. This was not a part of life I expected myself to experience. I can remember what the other Confessors went through, how they... I pray that the spirits are kind and help me to be the mother I want to be, but... The way I would want to raise my daughter, our daughter," she corrected herself as she opened her eyes. "I can't imagine the High Council allowing it to be possible."

"Why?"

"She shouldn't have the life I did. She shouldn't- I don't want her to grow up in that palace, I- There were so many nights I would imagine running away, finding a safe place and just... Be. She will never be able to have that, no matter how much I wish for it. From the moment she takes her first breath, she's at the call of the Council, the people and anyone who wants something from her. She will grow in the eyes of strangers who want nothing more than to benefit themselves and she deserves to live and be a child for as long as possible." Bringing her eyes to his, she tilted her head in confusion. "What?"

Moving his hand over her stomach, he grinned. "You are going to be a wonderful mother, Kahlan."

"I pray that I am," she whispered, her eyes falling closed for a moment as she turned her head back toward the ceiling. "I can never give her the life I long to."

"A life without the fear you experienced?"

"Kind of. She's going to be a Confessor, Richard. She will always know the fear. I- If it were possible for me to take her away, hide our family somewhere where she could learn and train, see things the way they are not the way they are forced upon us. I don't know how to explain it, you were not raised here. Things are different for us as children, we are taught by how we are seen and we learn how to see ourselves through other people's eyes."

"But you are not what others see you as."

"Not to you," she whispered in a surprisingly tender tone. "If I had told you what I was; what I could do... Things would have been different."

"Maybe," he replied softly. "But I don't think it would have changed the way I feel about you. Nothing could." She met his eyes for a moment before darting them away, wanting to question him, but she didn't have to. "It wasn't just the way you looked that attracted me. You were- are the bravest woman I have ever known, you were kind and not just to me, but those who were cruel to you. You smiled and I swear I felt it pull through me and when you're close, I feel a safety I've never known before." She blinked slowly, holding his gaze and doing the very thing he wanted her to. She read him carefully, easily and then waited for the moment he spoke again. "I saw the kind of woman you are the moment we met, had you told me what your magic could do... I don't believe it would have changed anything. It's made you the woman that you are, the woman I love. I know that you think I should be afraid of it, but I'm not and that's because of you. To be afraid of your magic would be to be afraid of you and there is no reason to fear you."

"I can hurt you," she whispered so softly, he almost didn't hear her over the crackle of the fire.

"Kahlan, we are all capable of hurting someone else, but we do not need magic to do it. You are just as dangerous in a fight with your fists as you are with your magic. I have seen you take down half a dozen men without using your power. You don't use it on a whim or cruelly, but only as a last resort. You are not the woman others see you to be, the one you allow them to believe you are."

"Sometimes I wish that I was," she told him honestly, looking back to the ceiling. "If I was that cold and heartless, I would have taken you without thought and this wouldn't be as painful."

Richard ran his hand over to her side and then back to her stomach, trying to give her comfort as he watched her eyes close. He knew that carrying his child was hard for her, something he knew from the moment he learned, but he couldn't stop himself from believing that a part of her, if not most of her, was too excited and happy to notice. He looked at her and wanted to grin with happiness, ecstatic for the joy she would experience as a mother, but now he wondered if her pain overshadowed the feelings within herself. She was strong, and he knew she would see it differently, an obstacle, maybe, something that would start hard, but soon fade away as she became stronger from it. Closing his own eyes, he sighed as he realized her own thoughts.

She carried a Confessor who would grow in a world that feared and hated her, living the life of inner torment that her mother faced everyday and it would never be the life she wanted to give her. She had spoken the words not long before, but it was now that they truly began to set in.

"You can change things for her," he said before his mind competed its thought. "You can make sure she grows up the way you wish you did and if you would allow... I can help."

Her jaw locked, the way it did when she was fighting the urge to cry, the way he had only seen a few times when she spoke of her sister. "Confessors have been raised the same way since the beginning of time. It is what we are and I cannot change it."

"Maybe not fully, but you can stop her from feeling the same pain you feel. You are the Mother Confessor and you are the voice of your people, your land. Kahlan, there is no limits to what you can do, what you can give Makayla and the change you can bring the world."

"What would you do?" she asked, her mind spinning in thoughts. "How would you raise her?"

"With you," he answered swiftly with a grin that faltered as he realized she had wanted different answer. "We'd have a home somewhere, a place we built together and-" He stopped himself and closed his eyes, unable to look at her as he revealed he life he imagined. Resting his forehead against her shoulder, he took in a slow breath and prepared to let her into his secret dreams. "It's not a large home, but it holds our family. Makayla has a room down the hall, next to the kitchen because she has Zedd's appetite and gets up to eat a few times every night. You and I, we always leave something out for her, she doesn't say anything, but she knows. We have a place behind our home, a small one where the two of you spend part of the day, working together with her magic. She's just like you, stubborn and smart. Her heart is so big she doesn't always know what to do with it. She's always with her sister, Madi, holding her hand as she leads her down to the lake to fish with us. They-" He paused as she shifted, turning to face him just as gracefully as she always moved. "They're happy, we all are."

Taking his face in her hands, she inched forward with a sad smile. "I can't imagine that we wouldn't be."

"We will find a way to be happy together."

"How can you believe that?"

"Because we always do."

Kahlan nudged her nose against his, finding her breath as she fought the urge to do the one thing she shouldn't do. If she kissed him, everything could unravel or, she reasoned with herself, it could solve everything. With the thought in her mind, she let her lips graze his and waited, hoping he would make the next move. His arm inched up her back, circling her shoulder and slowly pulling her closer as though he was giving her a chance to stop him. Bringing her chest to his, he kissed her and the moment she returned the action, he stopped holding back.

She was still in his arms when he awoke the next morning, sleeping soundly and naked. He would swear that she hadn't slept very well in weeks, bringing him to make sure he didn't wake her as he shifted his own body. Her head rested against his shoulder, her right arm draped over his chest and she was so close, for a moment, he wasn't sure which limb was his. As he rolled onto his side, she moved with him, bringing herself to lay perfectly against him. Tightening his arms around her, he closed his eyes and did his best not to imagine this to be their lives. It was easy to see and it was clearer than anything he had ever seen. He knew what would happen when she woke up and it would be too painful to do anything other than accept their fate.

He jumped at the knock on the door, but it didn't wake her. His mind raced through the situation if anyone knew what they had done. Laying her on her back, he stood and hurried to the bed, making sure to be as quiet as possible as he grabbed the thick, woolen blanket and laid it over her. He laced his pants as he walked through the door, knowing what the thoughts would be of the old man who stood on the other side.

"Why-"

"I came to check on her and she asked me to stay," Richard replied softly, his eyes running to the still sleeping confessor. "She's slept most of the night, but I'm not sure it's enough."

"Where did you sleep?"

With a shrug, the Seeker turned and allowed him into the room, motion to the chair beside her. "Over there. I meant to leave when she went to sleep, but I fell asleep, too."

Zedd blinked slowly at his words, thinking them over as he looked around the room. Kahlan was facing the fire now, the blanket wrapped tightly around, hiding her and keeping the illusion that she had slept that way through the night. She shifted as he walked closer to her, the other man instantly knowing she was awake.

"Are you still here?" she questioned sleepily, rolling her shoulders as she tightened the blanket around her.

"I am."

He wondered what she was thinking, what her plan was and before he could form a thought, she spoke.

"Will you lay here with me?"

"Kahlan-" he started, thinking she didn't know the wizard was there.

"I don't- For a few moments, I don't want to be afraid."

He felt his heart stop as his grandfather looked at him, their eyes meeting in sadness. He wondered if that was part of her plan, but the tone of her voice called out for him. After a brief moment, breath and a nod from the wizard, Richard turned away from the older man and made his way to her, sitting down behind her. Bringing his hand to her shoulder, he squeezed, wishing the blanket wasn't shielding her from him. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he whispered as Zedd left the room. Her head turned once the door was closed and they were alone, locking their eyes. "Kahlan-"

"The life you spoke of, I want to have it with you, but..."

"Your magic would destroy me."

"More than that," she whispered almost too silent for him to hear. "The way you talk about it, that life with me, I- I'm not sure that I can explain properly." Rolling onto her back, she blinked, buying herself an extra moment to think. "When I'm with you, I am so afraid that I will lose control and lose you, but it's the only fear I have. I have been scared for all of my life, but when I'm with you, I fear nothing more than losing you. You talk about the life I am afraid to have and I need you to know- Richard, I do want that life with you, but if I ever confessed you-"

"I know what you would do, Kahlan and it makes me love you more."

"Richard-"

"I wouldn't let you die, Kahlan. I know you too well, and I know that you could go on and maybe it would be hard at first, but our children, Kahlan, they would need you."

"They would need you, too."

"Kah-"

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since we first... My whole life, I never thought about a future with children and then now, Richard, I can't stop. I imagine what it would be like and I want so badly to hold onto it forever, but if I confessed you, I would kill myself to set you free." He started to speak, but she laid her fingers over his lips to keep gain another moment to finish her secret thoughts. "I cannot live with the shell of you, no matter how good looking it is," she added with a small grin. "You are far more than anything he could be, and the man you are now, I could never destroy him, not for my own selfish reasons."

"Wanting a family isn't selfish, Kahlan."

"It is when I only want one with you." Laying her hand against his chest, she took in a slow breath. "You are the only man I can truly hurt and I love you too-"

"Maybe that is all that matters," he whispered. "Kahlan, we are going to have a family together and our love has already brought us this far. Our family may not be the way either of us imagine, but it is a fam- It doesn't make it any less wonderful Kahlan, you and I- We both know that we would find a way to have a life together, no matter what. It may be different and you may take a mate, but I would still be there. You're my family, both of you."

"I-" Releasing a heavy sigh, the Mother Confessor sat forward and held the blanket to her chest as she looked over to the fire. "We may be now, but what happens later? What happens when I am to take a mate? How can I put you through that and then expect you to be there when it's done. How can I- How can I take a mate with you so near, after what we've done... I exist for this single purpose-"

"No you don't," Richard stated as he sat up and moved closer. Bringing his chest to her back, he wrapped his arms around her, pleased when she leaned into his embrace. "Kahlan, you may be a Confessor, but that is not all that you are. You do not exist for this alone, you are more than this. The child you carry and the children you will have, you're all a part of something greater than what the world sees." Resting his chin on her left shoulder, he sighed, "And if the time comes and I cannot give you another child... If you needed to take a mate, I-"

"Please don't," she pleaded softly, laying her arms over his. "I know what you're going to say, but... I can't let you say it, because I know you and you won't let it be a lie."

"Kahlan-"

"You're going to want a real family one day."

"Yes," he said softly, tightening his arms around her, "and I will have one soon, with you."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I don't think you're right. I'll have to keep up with you and our daughter, I won't have the energy to take another woman." He chuckled softly, surprised she didn't give a reaction, but he knew better. He knew what was going through her mind and the images he had just placed there. "I love you, Kahlan and we've talked about this before. You won't keep me away and I will do everything I can to make us happy, I promise."

"Zedd will never allow it," she said in a tone that told him more than her words.

"He may not, but it is not his life, it's ours. My child grows within you, our child, Kahlan... We have the right to, at least, try. I know it may not be what we wanted, what we hope, but if we don't try... Kahlan, I have to try. You are worth a fight."

"No-"

"Mother Confessor," he stated firmly. "You are unable to see yourself the way I do. There is no arguing this fact."

"I'm sorry, Lord Rahl, it is a habit I picked up through my wild upbringing as a Confessor."

"I can only imagine the fun you had."

Releasing a quiet chuckle, Kahlan turned her head, kissing his cheek for a brief breath. "There are stories you can't imagine."

Her hands came to lay over his, slowly sliding them over her as she allowed the blanket to fall to her waist. Her head fell back as his fingers moved over her breasts, a low, vibrating moan leaving her lips. It was an exceptional feeling, exciting her fully and she gave no effort to hide it. His lips raced to her neck, kissing over the soft skin while he pushed himself closer. Holding one hand to her breast, Richard trailed the other down her stomach, pausing for a moment until her hips lifted with a silent cry for something more.

She began to shake against him, a mix of pleasure and the pain of her magic building up within her, but he didn't stop and she didn't make him. Instead, she turned and connected their lips, unlacing his pants with quick ease. Before either could form a thought, he was holding her stead as she slid down onto him. His hold was so tight, her skin would be bruised, but she felt no pain as she shared his heated breath. Their bodies moved in unison, acting together as though they shared the same one. Her chest was pressed against his, their arms wrapped firmly around the other and their mouths dueling with a passion that could never be captured.

They were so close to the fire, it amplified the heat between them and shoved them closer together. Bringing her hands to his chest, she pushed gently, breaking their kiss as his back moved to the ground. She held herself above him, shifting her hips as his eyes moved over her, admiring the perfection of her form. Her cheeks were flushed, matching her breasts from the his hands, keeping his attention until she moved again. Their hands came together, their fingers locking tightly as she lifted herself slowly. With his breath caught in his lungs, he lifted his hips, meeting hers with a united moan.

Sweat glistened off her body, magnified by the light of the fire, giving her a glow that only the great spirits could have. Sliding his hands up her sides, he circled to her back and brought her chest back to his. He rolled them over quickly, bringing his body still against hers as she took in a long and deep breath. She was fighting her magic, he could see it in her eyes, the beauty of the darkness that called out to him. It was almost a silent beckon, but he heard it clearly as though she has spoken it to him.

Her nails pushed into his sides, her failing attempt to calm herself as she tried to hold back the magic. He held her eyes with an expression she had never known anyone to have, one without fear and for a moment, she would swear she saw something more. Laying her right hand against his cheek, Kahlan bucked her hips, letting loose a soft gasp as he pushed against her, holding them to the floor. She could see the struggle within him, the same desires, but he held still. As painful as she was sure it was for him, he held back, waiting for the moment she was truly ready. It wouldn't be long before she had control again, so he waited.

Closing her eyes, the Mother Confessor sucked in a deep breath, focusing on the heat of his against her neck. She quivered beneath him, on the verge of a pleasure she could never know, not with him. Pushing her nails into his shoulder, she shifted beneath him, an encouraging action that was filled with permission.

He rocked forward, reaching his left hand to hers and intertwining their fingers. The connection between them still held him captive, allowing him to experience something he had never known to exist. It was a feeling he couldn't place, a warmth that filled him and flowed into her. It was a never ending circle between them, amplified in the moments when their breaths were short and their hearts raced in unison.

His body collapsed against her, his head against her chest with a ragged breath. Her arms circled him instantly, holding him in place, soaking him in. Running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, she forced herself to focus on the heat of his breath against her breasts, letting it continue the rumble within. She was sure he could feel her heart racing, her body shaking beneath him and she knew he wouldn't let it continue.

"Let it go," he whispered, letting the words linger around them. "Take me." Swallowing, Kahlan tightened her hold on him, making him, for a moment, believe she was going to do as he wanted. "I'm already yours."

"And I'm yours, but not through magic. Please don't ask me to do that, not when it would be so easy to let go." Her voice shook, matching her body while it struggled with the pleasure of his body against hers. She would never grow tired of the feeling, the way her heart lept and body ached for his. Each touch had her blood burning through her veins, his kiss had her wanting in a way she never could explain, one she never expected to crave. His breath on her chest was comforting, a luxury she feared to enjoy, but wanted nothing less.

His lips came to her skin at the thought, a slow kiss that had his name in a pant leaving hers. There was a way about him, somehow taking the despair and turning it into a wildfire of passion. She lived on the edge when he was near, so close to losing control that it took all of her strength to keep from jumping off into the abyss. He didn't stop and she didn't make him. Instead, she pushed up, quietly asking for more, indulging the feel of his tongue running down her stomach.

Richard glided his hands up her sides, roaming to her breasts as he continued to kiss over her body, working off of the sounds she let loose. Her hips lifted to meet his lips, desperate for the freedom they were about to give her and the trap he was going to lock her into. He would bring her to the edge, the line she wouldn't cross, the one she silently begged for. His head disappeared before she closed her eyes, a loud moan escaping her. She moved instinctively, reaching down in a cross between stopping him and encouraging the action. He surprised her with a low growl, sending a vibrated wave through her, bringing her body to tighten instantly.

He held himself firmly as she grabbed at whatever laid at her sides, using it to focus on to keep her in control. Her magic sat on her fingertips, screaming to be heard and the man who called to it gave no sign of giving in. She was afraid to take in her next breath, scared it would flow free and then he was gone and it followed.

Her back lifted from the wave of passion, the force her magic ripping through and claiming the air that hugged her as he longed to. The view was more beautiful than he thought it could be, fully captivating and as she gasped for her own breath, he realized she had taken his. She reached out for him within an instant, pulling his chest back to hers and allowing him to see the darkness of her magic fade. He knew what she was doing, what she needed to do, so he held still and let her search. Her eyes moved rapidly, looking into his for something, anything that told her if he had been taken, if she had done the very thing she feared and destroyed him. Her face was so close to his that their breaths warmed the others face and he couldn't stop himself from letting his lips graze hers.

She seemed to be thrilled by the action, because she returned the kiss, her hands pulling him closer while losing her fingers in his hair. She was crying, he could taste the sale of her tears, but she didn't stop him, instead, she held him closer.

The door flew open with force, but she gave no effort to stop or shield her naked body, an action Richard rushed to do. She was in his lap, a view the Seeker knew his grandfather would hate, but even still, she remained. Her forehead was resting against his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his and their chests pressed firmly together. Tears continued to fall and she whispered in his ear, but he couldn't make sense of it as the wizard and Mord'Sith stood a foot away from them.

Cara watched him carefully, looking at him the way she did Kahlan, when she was trying to understand how she could be as kind as she was. He held her eyes, never letting to of the woman in his arms, the one who now dug her nails into his skin. The blonde crossed her arms with an annoyed sigh, shaking her head in disappointment.

"Have you two gone mad?!" Zedd asked angrily.

"It appears we have," Kahlan replied in a breathless tone. She remained close to Richard, but he wasn't sure if it was to shield herself from the eyes of the others. "I remember our conversation, Wizard and I assure you this will not happen again." There was something in her voice that lingered around the room, a sadness that couldn't be described and when the Seeker met his grandfather's eyes, he knew there was something going on.

"We will discuss this once you are dressed," the older man said sternly as his eyes shifted to the blonde at his side. "We will wait outside."


	5. Chapter 5

"This does not make the child yours," Zedd said as he paced the room before the couple. "She has taken a mate and alerted the high council, you must understand how things are done. You cannot lay with the Mother Confessor and expect to be pulled into the family she is trying to make. Spirits, you could have been lost and Kahlan," he added, coming to a stop before her. "You know the rules, the risks and still you laid with him. How could you be so reckless?"

"I did not intend for this to happen, especially now. I know the risks, we both do-"

"We didn't do anything wrong," Richard interrupted. "She may have released her magic, but she didn't confess-"

"Confessing you is not the only danger," Kahlan whispered. "The spell, wizard," she added after a breath.

"Kahlan-"

"For me, it is the only way," she whispered, keeping her eyes on the older man. "I can't keep-"

"What are you talking about?"

She continued to hold the other man's eyes, even as Richard's hand came to her knee. They were sitting on the edge of the bed, so close they could feel the others warmth over the fires. "There is a spell he can use to take this away from us."

"What?"

"The pain."

Swallowing, the Seeker pulled back his hand and straightened his back, hoping his thoughts were wrong. "I don't understand."

"She wants me to use a spell of removal."

"For what?"

"Her feeling for you."

His heart stopped, his body going stiff instantly. She was still looking at the other man, angering him, but with he refused to let it show. Standing, he licked his lips and gave a brief nod. "Alright," he said in a surprisingly calm tone, "take them away."

"Richard-"

"There's no need for an explanation, but if there was, you are not the one who should give it." Again, his voice was calm, but his words held an entirely different tone. He meant for it to be a quick glance, but as he looked over his shoulder, she met his eyes and he could do nothing more than hold her gaze.

She had a way about the action, one that held him in place through a silent conversation and it was not something unusual. They used it more often than either could grasp, but never in this way. A pained argument that screamed through the quiet that surrounded them, words only the other knew. His eyes softened after a few moments, seeing it from her side and partly in a way he had not thought of. Turning, he faced her and crossed his arms, keeping his guard up as he took a single step toward her.

"Can you give us a minute alone, Zedd?"

"Richard-"

"I promise I will not move," he added, interrupting her words. "Before this happens, I need to say something." The wizard didn't leave the room as the Seeker hoped he would. Instead, he walked to the window on the other side and waited. Richard remained still, his eyes never leaving hers. "When did you think of this plan?"

"Richard-"

"I don't want an excuse, Kahlan. I want the truth. If you've had this planned, why did you... Why did you allow us to make love again?"

The Mother Confessor swallowed, buying herself a moment to find the right words. "I don't know. I never intended for us to go that far, not again, but suddenly we were together and I didn't want anything else."

"What spell is he talking about?"

With a shrug, she dropped her eyes to the floor and licked her lips. "It's one that many have used for centuries. It works close to that of a Confessor, only instead of making the love stronger, it buries it."

"And you just want to hide it within you?"

"Yes and so should you. Richard, we cannot keep doing this, feeling this way and wanting more than we can have. This life, one together, it is not something we can have."

"Alright." She didn't expect his response, a fact he saw upon her face instantly. "If this is what you want, we will both do it."

A series of emotions were racing through her. So many she couldn't hold on to any one of them, making her heart pound and her fear the worst. She nodded, finding it all she was capable of doing, quickly realizing it was not what he wanted her to do.

"We're ready, Zedd."

The wizard walked over to the couple, slowing down as he entered the heat between them, feeling the pained tension. "There is another way-"

"No," Kahlan stated at once, shaking her head. "I told you it was not an option."

"What?"

"Do the spell, wizard."

"There is another spell, one I suggested to Kahlan weeks ago. It mimics confession, perfectly. It will show you how your life would be if you were hers. It will-"

"Do it," he said without hesitation.

She stood and moved between the two men, facing the older man. "You will not use that spell. You cannot do that to him."

"This will show him why you fear the result. The spell will only last two moons and when it is over, he will understand."

"Please do not offer this to him."

"He has the right to chose his own fate, dear one. When it's done, he will see it the way you do."

"What are you afraid of, Kahlan?" Richard asked, grabbing her arm gently. "You want me to see it like you do, don't you?"

"I don't- You being confessed is not... Not like this."

"I can handle two days in love with you, Kahlan."

"Not like this."

"This isn't something you can protect me from."

Lowering her eyes, she stepped closer. "Please don't do this."

"If I requested the same of you, would you-"

"That is not the same thing, Richard."

"It's exactly the same thing." Licking his lips, he looked to his grandfather. "Do it."

A day and half of the next day had gone by, most of hers spent in a warm bath, trying to forget the choice the Seeker had made. She could feel him close, sitting in the room next to hers with the wizard, making sure the spell had done just what he wanted, only without her magic truly attached. Alone with her thoughts, she wondered what it would feel like, to be connected to him in that way. It wasn't long before she began to curse herself for such horrid thoughts. She would never take him, he could never be hers. When the water began to get cold, she stepped out, ignoring her towel and going straight for her blanket, something a little warmer as she made her way to the fire.

"Are you alright, Mistress?"

Her body tensed at his words. "I'm fine."

"I can feel your pain, Mistress."

"Please do not call me that."

"Forgive me, Mother Confessor-"

Looking over her shoulder, she gave a brief smile to ease his mind. "There is nothing to forgive. Please, call me Kahlan."

"Kahlan," he whispered in a voice that was far from the one he usually used with her. "Do you need anything?"

"Many things. None of them, however, are things I can have."

"I don't understand."

"How do you feel?"

"I am sad that you are in pain."

"Do you want to sit with me?"

Nodding eagerly, Richard took a step closer. "If it would please you." He stopped mid-step as she closed her eyes, feeling her heart pound. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she lied instantly, her eyes moving to the fire before her. "You may sit with me." He came to her side eagerly, sitting down as close to her as possible. "We're going to stay here for another night," she said quietly, tossing a glance in his direction. He was staring at her with the same glazed over expression every confessed man held, haunting her entirely. "Don't look at me like that."

"How should I-"

"Not like that," Kahlan repeated softly. "I don't understand how you could ask him to do this to you." Blinking, she took in a slow and deep breath, holding his eyes. "Why would you want to live a moment like this?"

"I'd live my entire life this way, if I was to be yours."

"But you aren't mine," she told him sadly. "You should not belong to someone without a choice."

"But I chose, mist- Kahlan. I wanted to be yours, I didn't care how."

"And now? This is how your life would be. You would spend every moment in this way. You have no thought of your own and no- Kiss me."

He didn't hesitate, the Seeker leaned forward and connected their lips, kissing her in a completely different way. She nearly stopped him, but her mind refused. Her magic wouldn't hurt him, not now. Laying with him without fear of destroying him was something she had thought of and imagined more times than she would admit, this was what she longed for, but it was far from what she wanted.

Her body burned with desire, his scent fooling her into, for a moment, believing she was with the him she loved. His touch was the same, though he didn't rush to explore. Instead, he kept some distance between them, his hands on her cheeks. He waited for her encouragement, an action she provided quickly, bringing him to her in a passionate embrace. She lowered her back to the floor, holding him against her while pushing her chest against his. His tongue pushed past her lips, tasting hers as he gave her a sample of his breakfast.

She fought a smile at the taste, the rich honey that lingered from the many pieces of toast he knew he had eaten, his favorite morning snack. Her body began to ache for his and without caution. He may not be the man she loved, not fully, but he knew what he was doing and did so willingly. Who was she to deny herself this, a pleasure only he could ever give her? He wanted to know what it would be like to be hers, to have her magic run through him and now, she would show him.

Turning her head, she pulled at his hair, guiding his lips over her jaw and to her neck. A low moan escaped her, vibrating his lips as he held them firmly against her skin. The voice within her partly begged her to stop him, to end this before she brought them more pain, but the other voice encouraged the pleasure. He was laying above her, kissing her and she had no reason to fear the release of her magic, the moment she longed to have. She could take him as many times as she wanted and she couldn't hurt him, the damage was already done. He was gone, why shouldn't she take advantage of it? This is what he wanted, this, however painful it was for her, was the life he wanted and if she could make him happy, any part of him, if she cared for him at all, she should.

Holding the thought in her mind, she slipped her hand beneath his shirt, taking her time to enjoy the feel of his skin. For such a simple act, it set her on fire, it melted her to him. He was warm, welcoming her timid touch and quietly beckoning for more. His body pushed forward as though he was trying to make it easier for him to touch her, almost like he knew it was what she needed. He continued kissing over her neck, pausing for brief moments to savor the taste of her soft skin. The feel of him above her was just as intoxicating as the man she knew, but the way he moved and touched her, whispered the differences.

Richard always pulled her onto him, giving her the control and ability to stop him as quickly as she needed to. The position never hindered their time together, but gave his hands better access to discover her time and time again. The moments when she would straighten her back and push the fingers of her right hand through her hair, stole his breath. Her raven locks flowed over her shoulders, usually hiding her breasts, but for a few breaths, she was completely exposed to him.

Her mind drifted into nothingness as he kissed over her chest, snaking his tongue across the skin. She could barely think when he was close, when he touched her and especially when his mouth did... A low moan escaped her lips, her fingers scraping gently over his shoulders until they were wrapped in his hair. Arching her back, she tried to get more, more pressure, more of anything he could give and just as he always did, he responded seamlessly. She didn't know when the blanket that had hidden her fell to the floor, but she was glad it had. His hands were roaming freely, bringing him closer and erasing all of the space between them. Her head pushed back as his kisses moved over her stomach, the sensation darkening her eyes. She never imagined pleasures like this existed and each moment with him, she wondered why she had ever prolonged the deed.

His actions were breathtaking, his tongue sampling the soft skin and his hands gently grazing each breast, pausing just long enough to have her back arching in pleasure. His kisses lingered on her stomach, his hands gently holding her waist to keep them close. Kahlan pushed her head back, her mind spinning now in a mix of pleasure and thoughts she wished not to have. The action was filled with the man she loved, the one who was thrilled to have his child growing within her, but this was not him. Her mind went dark as he slid his tongue over her stomach and between the breasts, silencing her thoughts and calling forth a low moan.

Richard pulled his shirt over his head and pushed forward as he reconnected their lips, pressing his chest against hers. Her arms circled around his shoulders, holding him close while deepening their kiss. His skin set hers on fire, a warmth she could find no one else and never wanted away from him. He knew her every desire, her every need and didn't hesitate to act. Gliding his right hand over her thigh, he leaned forward, giving her a small amount of the pressure she needed. With a slight shift of his body, his hand moved between them, gently testing her readiness.

Breaking their kiss, she took in a sharp breath, his name quietly leaving her lips while her hips bucked upward. His fingers worked swiftly, raising her higher while teasing her lips with his. Reaching between them, she pulled loose the laces of his pants and timidly reached inside. She had only touched him this way once before and had worked off the subtle moans he had released, though she was still unsure she had done the right things. His eyes slid closed as she wrapped her fingers around him, letting her pull him free of the khaki fabric.

His lips were upon hers within seconds, silencing the soft moan that escape him. Her hand moved between them as she tried to return his kiss, tried to form a thought to keep from doing what her body begged for. He stroked her in the same rhythm, bringing their hips to rock together. Their breaths came in pants, each sharing the others as though it were their last and neither wanting it to end. When her kisses became to lose focus, he moved into place and within a breath, filled her.

His name left her lips without hesitation, a quiet pant that was quickly lost in the warm air around them. Before she could take another breath, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer. Her hold was firm and passionate, needing to feel him against her completely. His body seemed to melt with hers, the puzzle piece that always seemed impossible in her mind, having another fit perfectly with her. This wasn't meant for her, for Confessors.

His fingers pulled her from the brief thought, their rough decent down her side pulling a long moan from deep within her. This is what he wanted, she told herself quickly, needing it to be said before she lost control, before she did what would come most naturally. Lifting her back, she pushed her chest to his, her breasts flattening against his perfect form as she, ever so slowly, ran her nails down his back. His lips traveled slowly over her jaw and down her neck, gently re-exploring her soft skin. The feeling was no different from the man she loved, the actions identical and body warming.

She would never need a blanket as long as he was near, their bodies always finding a way to be an inviting warmth that settled around them. Her soft gasp brought his head from her neck and his eyes to her face, watching carefully. His hips came to hers, holding for a breath before rocking against her, drawing out the pant of his name leaving her lips. Taking his next cue from the scrape of her nails, he moved faster, gliding his right hand over her thigh and up to her side, watching as her head pushed back into the blanket that laid beneath her.

Her arms suddenly tightened around him, bringing him just close enough to make the vision of her a blur to his honey eyes. With her hips raised and pressed to his and her chest flat against his, she let go, her magic soaring free with a rumble that shook the walls with its strength.

The word that then left her lips was one he had never thought to hear her say, but it wasn't the tone of her voice that made him understand why she had said it. She swallowed and released a soft cry, one that he was sure was louder than she intended, but he said nothing. Her hold loosened at once, her palms flying to his chest with a hard push and a gasp for air. She had let go. She had done the very thing she swore not to. Covering her mouth with her right hand, she closed her eyes, hoping to shield her tears from the man watching in silence, the one who had no choice but to love her.

"Spirits, I'm sorry..."

He started to speak, but stopped as she rolled onto her side, letting the fire warm her back. The action told him what she didn't know she needed. Without a word, he laid down beside her and his heart still pounding and body still aching, he pulled her into his arms and held her as tightly as he could. It wasn't long before she cried herself to sleep.

The knock on the door didn't wake her, almost a surprise to the Seeker, even more so as she remained still as it opened and the Wizard entered. The room was lit by the setting sun, perfectly raining through the windows on the other side of the fireplace. The older man made his way to the couple in silence, a frown upon his face as he took in the view.

"How long?"

Richard blinked, his hold remaining firm around her. "I'm not sure. Two hours, maybe."

"Does she know?"

"No," he whispered. "I couldn't- I could feel her agony... I could not add to it by letting her know what her magic did. Not after..." Swallowing, the Seeker drifted his eyes to her, making sure she was still asleep, though the peaceful beat of her heart told him she was. "I wish I could tell her how beautiful it is."

"What?"

"Her magic." Meeting his grandfather's eyes, he sighed. "I felt everything from the spell you placed on me, but when she let go... Zedd, I felt so much more and I don't know how to explain it. I could feel her freedom, her pleasure and her heart beat as though it were my own."

"And?"

He could hear the hopefulness in his voice and the light in his eyes, praying that it caused him to understand the dangers, but in truth, it hadn't. "I've never known anything to be so beautiful."

"Richard-"

"I know what you're going to say, I do, I felt it within her and maybe you're both right, but what if you aren't."

"She has no control of her magic, not when she is in the midst of passion, you have seen it."

"I have and it is not something I will discuss with you, it is not between you and I, but between Kahlan and I."

"Richard-"

"When she wakes up, I will tell her everything and together, we will figure this out."

Locking his jaw, the wizard nodded. He knew better than to argue with him about this, there was nothing he could say. "You must hurry, with you back, we must leave in the morning."

"We will be ready."

Her body went stiff for a moment, instantly telling him that she was awake and that her mind was spinning faster than his heart was racing. Tightening his arms around her, he remained quiet, waiting for the moment she decided on her next move. If this were any other moment, any other time, he would have his hands running over her perfect form, distracting her from any thoughts. He would have her beneath him before she could take another breath and both would be lost in a passion no one else has ever known, but it was impossible for it to happen now.

"How long was I asleep?" Her voice was soft, a rasp that gave away the length of her cry.

"A few hours."

"Zedd, has he come to see you?"

"He did, about two hours after you fell asleep."

He felt her sigh and knew what she was thinking, but said nothing and allowed her to speak. "He was upset, wasn't he?"

"Yes."

Sitting up, Kahlan grabbed the blanket and held it to her chest, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Richard. I never should have allowed this to happen." Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and let herself feel the warmth of the fire. "I knew the dangers, all of them and I still- I should have had more control."

"Kahlan-"

"When did you become you again?"

Sitting up himself, he let out a long sigh, wishing this conversation happened differently. "A moment after you released your magic."

"Wh-"

"I don't understand it either," he interrupted quietly. "I was going to say something, but it wasn't what you needed me to do." Her cheeks were red, embarrassed for having broken down in his arms. "Had I told you, I don't believe there would have been an end to the pain you were feeling, the pain you feel now. You shouldn't feel this way for letting go of your magic, Kahlan."

"I could have-"

"I was already yours."

Turning, she opened her eyes and met his, holding them with an emotion he could feel himself. "And had Zedd not done the spell? What then? What if it had not protected you? How could I have done that to you? I betrayed you."

His hand came to her shoulder as he smiled warmly, comforting her instantly. "No, you didn't. Kahlan if anyone was betrayed, it was you. I hurt you and I knew it before Zedd used the spell. I felt it the minute I agreed and every second afterward. You releasing your magic, that was not a betrayal. That was... Beautiful. I know that I cannot explain it, not properly, but Kahlan, I have never known anything to be that powerful."

"Confessors-"

"I don't mean your magic," he stated through a whisper. "I felt everything you felt, everything. I could feel your pain, the thump of your racing heart as though it was within my own chest and in the moment you released your magic, I felt more. I almost shouted to the spirits when you let go, the feeling... The love you have for me, that is far more powerful than your magic." Pulling back his hand, he sighed as it rested in his lap. "I know that I hurt you, but I do not regret my choice, not now that I know what it feels like. I was yours, completely and in those few hours, you knew how much I loved you. It may have been confession for you, but it was exactly the way I love you now."

"Please do not say that. Richard, there is no loving me, there can't be."

"It's far too late, Mother Confessor." Swallowing, he lowered his eyes and tried to find the right set of words. "I know what you want, but I don't believe I can... I will never be able to let you go, but I understand what is needed of you." Returning his gaze to hers, he gave a sad smile, hoping that somehow, it would make them both feel better. It didn't. "Loving you is not something I can promise to stop doing, but I can promise to stop making it difficult for you. You don't have to come with me to Hartland. We both know what I had hopped to come from the trip, but it is not what you need." His word choice held her attention and she could see the concentration in his eyes, the struggle he faced to speak so clearly and still mean every word. "The rifts will be sealed soon and your home will need you."

"And you?"

Straightening his back, he sighed through a small smile. "I'll need my friend, but she has something far more important to do."

"Richard-"

"I'm sure it will not be the last we see of each other. We always find our way back."

With a heavy sigh, Kahlan brought her right hand to his chest and let her fingers graze the Keeper's mark. "I won't go back on my word. I will go with you to Hartland."

Shaking his head, he pulled her hand from his chest and held it tightly in his lap. "I can't let you. We both know what I hoped would come of that time together and I don't want to pretend that everything is alright."

"Richard-"

"I said that I understood what was needed of you, but I didn't say that it was all right with me. I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for you, it's not something so simple. Kahlan, you carry my child and I know how you feel, I've felt it not long ago and I know that no one else can know she is mine. I will not do anything to jeopardize what we've created and if that means, staying away and keeping-"

"No," she interrupted smoothly. "Having you around is not going to- I don't want to push you away. It may be difficult for us to do this, but I would like to have you close to her. You deserve, at least, that."

"I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"I-"

"I felt it, Kahlan. I felt everything and as happy as I am that for a few hours, I was yours, I can't forget the pain I felt from you. How can I tell you that I love you and then make you endure that kind of pain. You shouldn't have to endure that because I'm selfish."

"You are far from selfish and what pains me is not your love for me, it's that I cannot truly return it. I cannot be the woman I long to be, the one you deserve. We can share a night to an extent, but what then? I have seen the happiness of couples, marriages that stand through it all and that is what you should have." Her voice was quiet, her eyes on their hands, watching his thumbs gently caressing hers. It was a simple action, but meant more than she could say. "There are things you and I cannot have together and those are what you should have the most."

"You're wrong, Kahlan." Her eyes jumped to his, making him laugh. There weren't very many people that would tell a Confess she was wrong. "The only thing worth having is having someone you love, love you in return. That is all I've wanted."

"It is something I cannot give you."

"I know," he whispered, forcing a smile as he squeezed her hands. "You should sleep. Zedd wants us to leave before tomorrow's sunrise."

"He'll never be able to leave without breakfast."

He understood what she wanted to come from her words, but a true smile was not something he could give her in the moment. "I think he has his mind set on something else right now."

Pulling back her hands, she took in a slow breath, the kind she did just before she hid herself away. "I'll be ready when he is."

"Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Kahlan," he said in the tone he used when he was giving someone an order. It wasn't one he used with her often, but a part of her wished he did. "You haven't eaten since yesterday."

"I know, but I'm not hungry."

"What about Makayla?"

She grinned as he crossed his arms, holding her eyes firmly. "I'll find something to eat," she conceded softly. "If Zedd hasn't already eaten everything."

"He would share with you."

"You'd give him no choice."

"Of course not. If any of us want to eat, we have to give strict rules of sharing food."

"The wizard doesn't like rules."

"None of us do."

The smile left her lips at his words, the sound of them ringing in her ears. "Rules are there to protect us."

"Protection isn't always what's needed."

"No, but it keeps us safe."

"From what?" he asked before he could stop himself.

He watched her swallow, her eyes dropping to his lips as she licked her own. She fought a set of words, but as she leaned forward, he was glad she did. For however long she allowed the next action, he would be forever grateful. Her lips touched his and he remained still, using all of his strength to keep his hands between them. She pulled herself close, forgetting the blanket that hid her, the one that quickly dropped to cover his hands. He would never tire of the feel of her kiss, an experience she had never given anyone else. It was full of a passion that match his, different in a single way. Her magic tingled in her soft and plump lips, setting a small fire between them. It was freeing, yet it held him captive, both colliding as their kiss deepened.

Unable to hold back any longer, Richard raised his right hand and slowly brought it to her face. His fingers gently caressed her cheeks while his thumb rested just beneath her jaw, feeling it move between their kisses. Her hand came to his and held it in place as she broke their kiss. Her forehead rested against his, making it difficult to watch her. She was blurry before him, but he could see that her eyes were closed and he could almost hear her thoughts. She wasn't the type of woman who allowed anyone to be close to her and it wouldn't be easy for her to let him go, for her to do what she needed to to keep him safe. He only wished he could make her understand that she was no danger to him.

"I love you, Richard," she whispered quietly, her voice shaking as though she tried to keep the words from him.

With a slow and gentle nod, he smiled and nudged his nose against hers. "I know. That's why you're doing this."

Before he could blink, she was pulling away and covering her chest once again, doing the only thing she could to distract herself from the pain in his voice. "I can't lose you. I- I cannot be the reason you're not there for her."

"I'll always be there, Kahlan, for both of you." Taking a deep breath, he met her teared eyes. "Your father, he- Kahlan what he did to you and Dennee, when he was released from your mother, it wasn't- I would never do that to our daughter."

"I know," she whispered, slouching her shoulders. "That is not something that I fear."

"I don't understand."

"What I fear is far more complicated, selfish and... As ashamed as I am to fear it, I cannot stop myself."

"What?"

Something in his eyes called out to her and it was always the same. She would have no intention of sharing something with him when he would say, almost anything, and the words would flow from her lips. "I am afraid that one day I will be able to take no more and you will become my slave. You will do anything to keep me safe and you would not understand that it is not my life that should be protected. I've already lived more than anyone, any Confessor and that is because of you. When the time comes and I am moments from death... I may be at the end of a blade and I know you will be there, you will kill yourself to protect me, and then what? Richard if you die and I live, I cannot accept that. I cannot let Makayla grow up in a world without you- I cannot live along in this life that caused yours to end."

"Your fear is not selfish, Kahlan. The way that you and I feel, the love we share, it is not selfish of us to want anything but a life together. It is not selfishness that your fear holds, and you should not be ashamed of it. We may not be together in the way that we want, the way other lovers are, but we are together and we are a family. We hold on to a hope and it makes us stronger. It is complicated, yes, but everything worth fighting for is." Giving her a wide smile, he reached out his hand. "Let's get you dressed so you can eat."

"When?" Richard asked as he turned toward his grandfather.

They were in Hartland, their sixth month and three weeks past the moment the rifts were sealed. He hadn't seen the Mother Confessor since that day, his last view of her being that of her standing beside a cliffs edge, watching the world reconnect and become whole again. They had won and he should have been happy, but he wasn't. They said a simple goodbye, neither wanting to make it harder, but their final hug was a tight one. He had promised he would see her again and she gave him that smile of hers, the one that set him on fire. Then, she was gone.

Cara had been sent along, protecting her as though the world knew she carried a child, though she didn't show. The Mord'Sith didn't fight her orders, pleased knowing that she would have fee rein to hurt anyone who approached, stopped only by the older wizard.

Richard had gone home, returning through the gates of Hartland alone and greeted cheerfully. He didn't speak to many people the first few days, avoiding them as he tried to feel comfortable without her. Her scent still lingered on many of this things and as nice as it was, it was killing him. Anna came frequently, a friend who always knew when to come and at times, he hated her for it. She made him feel better and that made it worse. How could he smile and laugh when the woman he loved was gone? She was carrying his child and living alone while he found joy with another woman.

Seeing the wizard now made his heart race, giving his cheeks a reddened glow as he waited for an answer.

"Yesterday. She does not have long and you have the right to be there."

"How is this possible, she should not- she isn't ready for another-"

Zedd smiled warmly, "I am aware, but that is not stopping this child from wishing to be born. Come, we must hurry if I am to be back in time."

"Maybe I shouldn't-"

"Richard," the older man whispered, "I know it is your child she carries."

"And if it is? Zedd, she has a chance to have the life she deserves-"

"It's funny, she told me the same about you. Richard, she sent me to you under the orders that if you did not wish to return with me, I would not push-"

Stepping closer, the Seeker lowered his voice. "She sent you?"

"She did. She gave me strict orders and if you were happy, I was not to ruin it, but I can see clearly. Come with me, Richard."

Swallowing, the young man fought the smile that pulled on his lips. "Let's go."

Kahlan laid in bed, facing away from the door and he was grateful for a moment, glad to have the extra moment to compose himself. He was caught between wanting to cry and wanting to scream with joy, but he could do nothing but wipe beneath an eye as he walked toward her. Her eyes were closed, but her head turned slightly in his direction.

"I wasn't sure you would come."

Kneeling down, he took hold of her right hand and squeezed gently. "I wasn't sure you wanted me to."

Her eyes opened and met his, revealing her every emotion through the light layer of tears. "I was afraid... You've had months to find-"

"Happiness?" he asked through a whisper. "Kahlan, I'm happy with you."

"You can't be."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Anna?"

Straightening his back, he sighed, "I never found comfort in her company, not in the way you hoped- thought that I would."

"Why?"

"My heart belongs to someone else. It's not a night of pleasure that I want, but a connection." Moving his eyes to her stomach, he grinned. "You and I, we have that, and it was there before we created Makayla."

"I'm a danger to you."

"Is that why you're wearing the Rada'Han?"

"No," she replied without hesitation. "Not entirely. It is an honor to have a Wizard of the First order present when a Confessor is born, I wanted to protect him as well as my midwife. She did not chose this, the High Council did. My magic began to release with nearly every breath, I didn't want to harm anyone."

"You're not capable of hurting anyone."

"I've hurt you," she whispered quietly.

With a sad smile, he squeezed her hand. "You never meant to."

"That doesn't make it all right, Richard."

"Yes, it does. Kahlan, any pain I have felt is not because you wanted me to. Everything you've done, it has been to protect me, and I understand." Her body tensed in pain as she took in a breath, her attempt to keep it hidden failing fully. "Any hour now..."

"I'm not sure she will wait that long. She seems anxious to join us in this world."

With a wide grin, Richard straightened his back. "No more anxious than we are to meet her."

"What do you think she'll look like?"

It was her attempt to keep her mind from the pain and though he knew it didn't work, he went along, picking up where they mad last left this conversation. "She's going to be beautiful. I'll bet she'll have your hair, your eyes..."

"I'd like her to have yours."

"Yours are prettier."

"I want her to look like you."

"I don't think I would make a very pretty girl, Kahlan."

With a soft chuckle, the Mother Confessor rolled onto her back and pushed her shoulders back. "I don't know, you're very good looking." Tightening her left hand on his, she fought the growl that threatened to leave her. "I don't know how women do this."

"They're the only ones strong enough to."

"You should find Zedd- I-don't-think-we-have-much-longer." The last set of her words came out through one breath and a whimper of pain as her eyes closed.

Three hours had past and her hold on his hand had only grown tighter, her body struggling with the pain and the need to do what came most natural. She didn't notice at first, her magic remaining something in the distance, but as the time passed, it became more pressing, lingering on her fingertips in full force, but unable to be set free. Richard leaned in close to her, watching as the room filled with people, each having a job that would help bring the couple's child into their world. As the wizard grew more excited, Richard couldn't help but wonder and fear what would happen if she gave birth to his son. His heart nearly stopped at the thought, knowing instantly that it would be the day he not only lost a child, but the woman he loved as well. She would not allow anything to happen to him, no matter what was said and it would cause her her life, and she would have it no other way. He began to plan in case it was to happen, his eyes quickly darting around the room to find anything he could to hold off her guards until he could get them out of the room and there another problem began. She would not be in any condition to run away, to jump from the bed she now laid in to climb from one of the windows in her room. She would hand him their child, kiss him and that would be the end.

Her soft whimper brought his mind back to the moment and as he met her eyes, he was surprised to receive the expression that told him that she was thinking of the same things. She looked tired, beautiful in every way, but there was something he couldn't place. A layer of sweat covered her face, holding several stands of her hair to her skin without mercy, holding his attention until she forced a small smile.

"She's nearly here."

With a wide grin, he nodded, words failing to form in the moment.

"Mother Confessor, this- I am sorry, but we need you to push just a little harder. I know that it hurts, but she needs your help and if you don't..." A loud cry left her lips as her head fell back, her body shaking as she struggled to do what her midwife requested of her. Richard stared, in awe and concern, wondering how anyone could endure such pain. "That's right, good. Just a little more and we will be able to help pull her free, but... Mother Confessor, this may rip you apart."

"She-must-survive," Kahlan managed to growl through her pain, holding the other woman's eyes. "You-Save-Her-Not-Me."

The room went silent for the Seeker, but as he looked around, he knew it to be loud. The woman at the foot of the bed appeared to be shouting as she motioned to someone at the door, her face in partial panic. His hand was numb from the hold Kahlan had on it, making his mind reason that she still had the strength to hold on, to survive what was coming. Zedd, leaned over the other woman, taking one of the towels and shoving it in the large pot of water that sat beside the fire. The sunlight blazed through the window across the room, making the shadows dance as the people moved around the room, making it appear as though there were more of them. His heart thumped in his ears, his breath coming in pants that he tried to hide and as he looked over to the woman he loved, his world stopped.

"She's beautiful, Mother Confessor."

Her body relaxed completely, her back falling to the bed as she let out another heated moan that was filled with triumph and pain all the same. A smile covered her lips as her eyes fell closed, the sound of Makayla's cry filling the room.

"Do you hear that?" she asked in a partial whisper. "It's beautiful."

Grinning, Richard watched as their daughter was wrapped in a blanket, his eyes finding it difficult to move. "Yes, it is."

"She's beautiful, Mother Confessor," the midwife said as she walked to the side of the bed, ready to hand the child to her mother. "You both should rest-"

"We will, just as soon as we've said hello." She struggled to sit up, but quickly accepted the Seeker's help. "Thank you." Taking their daughter into her arms, Kahlan brought her to her chest and let out a slow breath. She was suddenly filled with energy and for a moment, she feared her racing heart would upset the child. "Hi, Makayla." Shifting her shoulders, the new mother made it easier for Richard to look on as she motioned for him to join her on the bed. "It's hard to believe she is real."

"She's beautiful," the Seeker mused softly.

"I was worried she would look like Zedd," Kahlan laughed. "She'd never have a chance."

"No, she wouldn't. Luckily, she looks more like you."

"I don't see it," he whispered as he leaned closer. "She is just as beautiful as you."

Giving him a wide smile, she shifted beside him, turning toward his warmth. "Hold her."

With a soft chuckle, he took the small bundle from her arms, knowing it was best not to disobey an order she gave him. Makayla looked up at him and just as her mother did, he knew, she was looking deep inside, seeing every little secret he had. "Hi."

Laying her head on his shoulder, Kahlan watched their daughter for a moment, her breathing slowing as she took in the sight. She was suddenly exhausted and found it hard to keep her eyes open. The instant she blinked she knew and refused to let him know. "She likes you."

"I don't know," he replied quickly. "She seems to be thinking about it."

"Even is she is," she whispered tiredly, her eyes falling closed. "She'll come to the conclusion. She will never love anyone more."

He looked to her instantly, hearing the difference in her tone, the one that filled him with alarm. "Kahlan?"

"Mmm," she responded softly. "I'm going to rest for a little while."

Panic filled him as he turned and saw the paleness of her skin. He shouted to the hall, knowing his grandfather had lingered and just as his cry for help escape his lips, the door opened and the wizard rushed inside. The instant he reached the bedside, he took in a deep breath and the Seeker demanded that he heal the Mother Confessor.

"Don't just stand there, Zedd! Help her!"

"There is nothing-"

"Heal her!"

"There is nothing to heal. Her body is recovering on it's own and her magic is using her strength. You must give her time to gather it into her control. She is strong, it will not be long."

"Take off the Rada'Han-"

"If I remove the metal, she will release her magic and you will be lost, we both will."

"No," Richard stated quickly. "She's strong enough to hold it in, she has for so long. Zedd please, leave me the key, I-"

Shaking his head, the wizard gave a sad smile. "This is the way she must recover."

"Zedd, please... Remove the Rada'Han."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." Stepping closer, the older man looked down at the child in his grandson's arms. "She has your forehead and nose."

"Zedd-"

"You will have a decision to make when she is older. If she carries any of your magic, what the two of you have done will be known."

"What will happen?"

"I cannot say, but she will have the High Council to answer to. It is not something a Confessor has done before. Taking another man after she's chosen her mate, before she conceived a child and after they had taken his land... Richard, she-"

"We laid together before she took him as her mate. I believe it is the reason she did so."

"When she awakes, we must discuss what is to follow. There are not many options, but she must make a choice."

Makayla wiggled in her fathers arms, drawing their attention before letting out a soft whimper that told him more than a cry could. "She's hungry..."

Without thought, he cradled her to his chest with his right hand, and with his left, he pulled gently on Kahlan's shoulder until she was lying more on her side, facing him. There was a look of pain on her face, but he knew that not feeding their daughter would bring her more. Laying the small child between them, he unbuttoned the top of her shirt and exposed her right breast. Blowing against his hand, he tried to make sure that it was warm before he brought her to their, patiently awaiting, daughter.

When he look up, he realized that he was now alone, the wizard having left in the brief moment. With a soft sigh, he looked down to his daughter and grinned. "He's going to love you, Makayla." Kahlan's heart was pounding, proof laying in the pulsing vein in her neck, gaining his attention. "Your mother is going to wake up soon, I promise. She going to hold you, and when she does, you'll never going to want her to let you go. We use to talk about you, imagining what you would look like, how you would smile, and if you'd eat the palace as your grandfather often does... From our conversations, I could almost see you running through the trees, looking over your shoulder as you taunted that I could not catch you."

"You're going to learn so much from her, and Makayla, I pray to the spirits that you have her heart. You will understand one day, though we both wish you didn't have to endure what is sure to come in your direction. You are different, but that doesn't mean that you should be feared or that you should cause people to fear you. In time, your people may come to see you the way that they should. You and your mother, you're not monsters, you are far from that description."

He watched her as she ate, finding it difficult to move his eyes away for fear that he would miss a breath. Kahlan's breathing began to deepen, making his heart and mind relax as he imagined her awaking to the beautiful sight of their daughter. He began to wonder what her thoughts would be and how she would feel. They never spoke of what would come of them when Makayla was born, only that she would never keep him away. Would she want him to stay? Would she want them to go back to how they had been before? They could sneak away, share a passionate kiss or a night camping beneath the stars as they once did. There were many possibilities and he seemed to think of them all, including the ones that made his heart ache.

Maybe she would only want him to have a relationship with their daughter, leaving her free to do what she needed to and take a mate. It was something he knew would come and it wouldn't be long before she was expected to give the High Council another child. His stomach turned at the thought of her with another man, though he knew it was the same way she would feel. It was a necessity, but she didn't see it as her duty alone, not now that she loved someone. He offed tried to see it the way she did, imaging himself in her place, but it wasn't long before he was almost overwhelmed with what she needed to consider and the pressure she fell under. At times, he found himself in awe of strength.

Their daughter would be the same way, he had no doubt, and as he looked down at her, he could almost see the way she would grow up. Kahlan would give her everything and there could be no one wiser to help her through the choices she would face. He didn't know how she did it, but the Mother Confessor had a special way of seeing things from a perspective away from herself, finding the right answer that no one would have thought to consider. Their daughter, if she was lucky, would have that ability and he beamed with pride at the thought.

Three hours had passed and he still watched them before him. Kahlan seemed to be resting peacefully, matching their daughter, who was snuggled against her mothers breast, where he was sure she could feel her heartbeat. It was comforting, something he had listened to for a brief time after they spent a night in passion. She had held him to her, almost afraid that he would disappear. She had once told him that it made her feel safe and protected, something she had rarely felt. He understood her words at once, but knew better than to hold onto them in fear she would take them back.

Everything she experienced was new to her and it excited him to be there with her, even though he knew, that in her mind, it would only be for a short while. He longed to show her the life he imagined, the one he envisioned for the two of them. She must have thought about it too, and he was sure that she had, leaving him to wonder what she saw in her mind. Could she have imagined a life where they spent the nights in each others arms?

She sucked in a deep breath, jolting his mind from his thoughts and back onto her. "Kahlan?"

"Mmmhm," she replied with barely enough sound to reach him.

Grinning, he pulled gently on her shoulder, bringing her forward just enough to make it clearly known that their daughter laid against her. "You both have been asleep for a little while."

Her eyes opened and instead of rushing to the child, she met his, a smile on her lips. "I'm glad she sleeps," she whispered through a chuckle. "How long?"

"I'm not sure," he told her honestly. "I was lost in thought."

Looking down to Makayla, the new mother beamed, "What were you thinking about?"

"Many things, actually. I couldn't find one to settle on."

Shaking her head, she darted her eyes back to his. "I know the process." He wanted to ask her if it was what kept her from sending for him in the months or weeks before, but he couldn't make the words leave his lips. "I've been in constant thought since the day you sealed the rifts."

"We sealed the rifts," he said at once. "You must have wondered about what she would look-"

"Many times, but that was not the most visited thought."

"How much she'd eat?"

The smile left her lips as he tried to lighten a moment she didn't want to take lightly. "No. I- I kept asking myself if I had done the right thing. If I would do right by you when it was time and I- I waited, wondering if I would receive word that you had found someone and I thought that, maybe then, it would be easier."

"How much she would eat would have been-"

"Easier to think of, I know," she said, completing his sentence. "My mind found you a more interesting subject."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, dropping is eyes to their daughter. "I know how difficult that was for you."

"It was difficult at first, but then, as the time passed, I thought that the more I thought, the more she would know of you. I started to think if you did find someone and Makayla didn't know you, she could know of you in part of the way I did."

"Thank you."

Dropping her eyes, she took in a slow breath and tried to find a subject that would be safe for her to move them to. "How was Hartland?"

He chuckled, bringing her to look at him once more. "You'd have been proud to see it. The people were happy, it was how I remembered it being as a child. No one was afraid and what was left of the D'Haran army had joined the community. Anna made sure to take care of everyone. I was- I only stayed as long as I did because they were rebuilding my father's house."

"You and Anna-"

"It's not Anna I love, Kahlan."

Her expression surprised him. It was the first time those words didn't bring pain to her eyes. "I know." He waited for her to tell him that he would change his mind, the way she always did, but she only smiled. "I may not understand, but I know."

"What?" he asked with a sly grin.

Holding his gaze, she took in a slow breath, tasting the words on the tip of her tongue. "That you love me."

His smile widened as he brought his right hand to her arm with a gentle squeeze. "I don't know how you cannot understand-"

"I'm not like other women, Richard. When people see me, I am not looked upon to be one of those-"

"How do I look at you?" he asked, interrupting her sentence.

She smiled, widely for a moment as she held onto his gaze. He had a plan with his words and she was sure it would be known quickly. "Unlike every man I have ever known."

"Go on."

"I don't know if I can explain it, but it's- I don't know, you look at me as though I am more than I am. Sometimes I think you see something no one else can and I can't help but let my mind wonder on it. You have this intensity that holds and your breathing changes, becomes... deeper, maybe. Sometimes I think I can become lost in the way you look at me. The way you're looking at me, now."

"If those people you saw on the streets knew you, not of you, it would be a different expression you saw in their eyes as well. Kahlan, your magic is no reason for me to fear you." With a small smile of knowing, the Seeker moved his hand over her arm. "If you wanted to frighten me, that wouldn't be the way you would approach it. We all have a darkness inside of us, but ours can be seen differently and yet the one thing we are and have ways been sure of, is that we wouldn't hurt each other."

"It's funny how that works."

"Makayla has a chance to change their minds, though. Kahlan, she can be the one who starts it all, and give Confessors a chance at that life we both want them to have."

Closing her eyes, Kahlan took in a deep breath and allowed it to help her focus on her thoughts. If she looked I to his eyes as she tried to make sense of it all, she would lose. "I'm afraid to hope for such a miracle," she whispered as her eyes opened.

"I know, but that doesn't mean you should give it up."

"No, but it is difficult to hold."

"Everything worth it is."

Closing her eyes, the new mother took a breath, one that revealed the strength it took her to reopen them and meet his. What she would say next would be important, something he knew at once, but didn't fear the words. "There are decisions to be made."

"I know, but it is not me who has to make them. Kahlan, I know how you feel, and that is enough. If you need to keep it a secret, I understand. They don't see it the way we do, but it's not impossible. If Makayla has the Rahl magic within her, questions will be asked, but you already know that. I will stand by your choice."

"I appreciate that, but this is not one I want to make on my own. She is not mine alone, Richard and I will not pretend that she is."

"Kahlan-"

"As much as I long to protect you both from what may happen, it's not my place to do so."

With a grin, he shook his head. "I disagree. You're a mother, it's your place to protect your children."

"Maybe, but I don't want to do it alone."

"Then you won't have to." Holding her gaze, he took in a deep breath, setting the serious tone of the next conversation. "How do you think we should approach this?"

END


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